Understanding Independence

Dear Blog

I have not updated in a LONG time!!!

Married life has kept me busier than usual. A couple big events have happened since I last wrote on the 5th.

I was fired from my job on the 10th. I was devastated. (I still am a bit devastated. I’d been working there for 4 years teaching/tutoring Spanish.) The school went bankrupt and was unable to pay teachers. I was ‘lucky’ enough to get paid some compensation since I’d been working there for so long.

A week later a new owner bought the building and it is scheduled to be demolished soon. I think they are planning on opening a commercial center.

Starting a new life and unemployed has added a bit of drama. My parents told me that things would get better and that maybe this was a blessing in disguise.

Since I haven’t been able work and job openings are scarce, I dedicated myself to being a complete housewife. All the boxes are unpacked and most of the knickknacks are placed around the house. The house is still missing furniture in certain areas. I think that the Bedrooms and Kitchen/eating area are the only areas that looked like they are lived in. The dinning room has 3 different folding tables leaning against that wall and two medium wooden cabinets (one that belonged to Gerard’s mother and one that my parents bought us) where we keep the new chinaware that we received as a wedding present.

The living room has an old sofa that Gerard had in his room. Everyone says that there is one particular item that guys love and their wives hate. The sofa is the one item I hate. It is a black suede couch that has silver and blue zig-zags through it. It is too modern for our house. If I could find a way to make it disappear (burn it!) I would. But Gerry L-O-V-E-S the couch. He told me that when he got his first pay check that was what he bought. (I think that if he paid more than 10 dollars for it, he got ripped off… Have I mentioned I hate it?) I tried putting a nice blanket over it, but he takes it off every time. It is the most uncomfortable couch to sit in. I guess we are lucky that we don’t have many visitors yet. As soon as I get a new job and I pull in a decent salary I am buying us a living room set.

The office is set up with two desks so that each one of us can get work done. Gerry doesn’t work much at his desk at home, he does a lot of his work at the office. I am guessing that in the end the office is going to become more like the Library (and my small office, since I work A LOT in the office.)

We just got internet and cable hooked up a week ago. Apparently some wires were messed up and the electrician had to come over and inspect the house. Now I can happily check my emails from the comfort of my home, without running down to the local Starbucks and buy a $5 dollar coffee just to check my emails.

Anyway, staying at home has been keeping me busy. I am not sure if I enjoy the 100% stay-at-home-wife. I miss getting up early in the morning to go teach classes. There are some days when I feel like I’m going crazy. But in general, I guess it still feels like I’m in a honeymoon.

Everyone says that marriage is an adjustment. I couldn’t agree more. Gerry and I are getting use to living together, learning to co-live. He puts up with my constant nagging of cleaning up and I put up with his disorganization.

There are a lot of things that we are learning to accept about each other. However there is this one thing that Gerry does that bothers me… He doesn’t call anymore when he’s at work.

He used to call me once or twice a day…and it made me feel special that he was so considerate. I don’t need for him to call me every second, we are living together, I see him in the morning and at night. What bothers me is that he doesn’t call to tell me when he’s going out to lunch or dinner with his friends. He doesn’t call to tell me when he’ll be staying late at the office.

Maybe I am overreacting, maybe it is not a big deal. But I grew up as an only child and I was required to always check in with my parents. If I was going to be late, if I was going to a movie, if I was having lunch at school or home, etc. I had to always tell someone my thoughts and my actions.

Gerard grew up more independent and free. He never checked in. (and if he did, it was always the next day.)

I am not asking for him to call me All The Time. All I ask is for him to be considerate of me. Twice this past week I have cooked dinner and waited for him to come home. He arrives at 11:30 and tells me he has already eaten. It hurts me, because I plan a nice dinner and I feel like a fool waiting for him. I wonder if he knows that I worry for him. I worry when I don’t hear from him. I try calling him and a lot of times his cel phone is out of range or he simple doesn’t answer.

We have spoken about this topic already, but I wonder if he really understands me. I’m not being neurotic, I just want to know if I should be expecting him in the evening for a family dinner. I just want for him to check in with me.

I guess I am just learning the hard way that he has always been free and never had someone checking in with him so much. I am understanding his independence from everyone. However, he’s not alone anymore. He has me. He has to know that there is someone waiting everyday to hear from him; good news and bad news.

Marriage is harder than I thought. (And I think this isn’t even the beginning of what may come… oh gosh….)

Till next time.

Desirae

aka. Mrs. Valdespino

Teaching Halloween---51 Days Till Wedding

Teaching my students the meaning of Halloween

Originally written by my mother, who teaches me everyday new things...

"Let no evil talk come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear....and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:29- 32) . Recently, I have heard a lot of "evil talk" concerning the customs of "Halloween". One Sunday, during a Christian church service, I was given written information detailing the evils of the "Halloween" celebration. The information distributed that Sunday contained graphic examples of satanic worship with information too evil to repeat. I decided right there and then that I would investigate the traditions of "Halloween" for myself. This is what I discovered:
The practice of "Holy eve" or "Hallowed eve" began during the Middle Ages (600 a.d.-1300 a.d.) in the Germanic Kingdoms of Westen Europe to replace or counteract the Celtic festival of Samhain. Medieval civilization represented an interrelation of Christianity, Roman tradition, and the beliefs of the Celtic-Germanic peoples. The Celtics were influenced by pagan practices such as magic and witchcraft. The Medieval church attempted to counteract these practices with special masses focused on "reverence" and "helping the poor". (keep in mind that the Latin {Roman Catholic} church was the only Christian religion in Western Europe during the Middle Ages - The theological works of Thomas Aquinas andFrancis of Assisi during the Middle Ages stressed the importance of Christ's desire for us to use our gifts and serve the poor). October 31st, ("Holy eve") became a time for the faithful to attend Mass, pray for the souls of the departed and then distribute baskets of food to those in need. The practice of dressing in costume on the eve of October 31st came from the Medieval - Celtic superstition that the spirits of the dead roamed the earth on that night and would steal the souls of the living. It was beleived that children disguised in costumes representing the dead, would be protected them from evil spirits. During the 11th century, The archbishop of Cluny decided that November 2nd would be the official celebration of "All Saints Day" and prayer would be offered for the souls of the baptized. The custom of "Holy eve" or "Hallowed "eve" came to the American colonies with the Irish and English immigrants during the 17th centery but was not openly accepted or celebrated in the United States until the late 19th century. Due to a misunderstanding of the correct pronunciation of "Hallowed- eve" the word was mis-pronounced "Halloween".
The tradition of holding a "Harvest party" or Halloween party" gained popularity during the Victorian era. The giving-out of "Halloween" candy was promoted by both European and American candy manufacturers throughout the 1900's. Over time, the celebration lost it's original meaning and was recognized as a children's celebration to mock the things that "scare us" or "go bump in the night". During the 1950's "Halloween" or "Trick or Treat" was celebrated as a "fun" holiday for children. The children dressed in costumes, usually homemade, and as soon as the sun began to set, the kiddies would circulate the neighborhood looking for neighbors who were giving out "candy" or "treats". No thought of satan worship came into their minds: it was all about the candy and having fun. Some kids played little tricks on the people who didn't give out candy. These tricks may have been considered as devilish. Dried corn or bits of toilet paper would be thrown on the sidewalk. White hand soap was drawn across windows to represent the passing of the "ghosts". Children were cautioned to only visit the neighbors that they knew. and never take any unwrapped candy. Farm communities often organized hay-rides and harvest parties and children "bobed" for apples, or carved pumpkins into jack-o'-lanterns. The typical food included: apple pie, pumpkin pie, spice cookies, red candied apples, cup cakes, caramel popcorn balls, apple cider and hot chocolate. Did I mention candy, there was always candy. Many people, then and now, were opposed to the celebration of "Halloween" because of it's association to "ghosts" "ghouls","witches" "spirits" and "death". I have been told that sugar is the devil, but the consumption of candy and worshiping Satan are two very different practices altogether. I'm sure there are Satan worshipers in the world today. We need only to watch the evening news to confirm their presence, but these persons celebrate "Samhain", not "Halloween". The two have nothing in common except the same date. If the argument against celebrating Halloween is based on the fact that it shares the same anniversary as a pagan Celtic observation, then we must also consider rejecting many other popular celebrations as well. In 274 a.d., the Roman emperor Aurelian proclaimed December 25th as Natalis Solis Invicti, or the festivil of the birth of the invincible sun. (Saturn) This act was more than most early Christian leaders could stomach, and they were horrified when Christians fell prey to old habits and customes. While not actually worshiping Saturn, a majority of early Christians decked their homes with Saturnalia holly, and celebrated the birth of Christ in the same fashion that the pagans honored Saturn: wild carousing and sinful behavior. The Bible alludes to the specific date of the birth of Christ. Some thought it was in the Spring, others thought it to be in September and others; the 6th of January. Early church leaders wanted a holy day that would counteract with the ancient festivals associated with Saturn. In 320 a.d., Pope Julius specified December 25th, as the official date to celebrate the birth of Christ. Many traditions and celebrations have been handed down to us from Pre-Christian times. Society is often torn between religious beliefs and moral correctness. Some people do not find anything wrong with the present day celebration of Halloween, while others feel uncomfortable. When we encounter acrimonious situations, we would do well to learn from history and practice respect and flexibility to those who hold different opinions from our own. In the words of Thomas Aquinas: "We must love them both, those whose opinions we share and those who opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search of truth, and both have helped us in finding it.
Information was obtained from: World Missionary Evangelism, Stories behind the Great Traditions" by Ace Collins, Day of the Dead by Kathryn Laskey and Story of the Church by Alfred McBride

This is what my family taught me. I passed it on to my students, I will teach it to my children and perhaps you could pass it on to...

XOXO
Desirae