Hypothetically Speaking…What if…?

 

Dear Blog

I am sitting in the eating area typing because while Gerry watches TV in the other room. I should be grading my students month exams, but I think my mind is still chewing on the conversation that Gerry and I just had.

We were sitting on the couch together watching a movie on the TNT channel. I was looking around the room, observing ‘our’ things; the sofa, the desk, the knickknacks, the carpet, the small table in the middle of the room, etc. A curious thought popped into my head.

“Gerry…” I said.

He answered with a grunt while his eyes stayed glued to the TV.

“I know its still very early in our relationship, but have you ever thought about what would happen if this didn’t work out?”

This caught his attention and he shifted to look at me. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, have you ever thought that in the future you might want to get a divorce and marry someone else?” I could see a rather dazzled and confused look in his eye.

“Why are you asking that? Where is this coming from?” he asked. “I have not thought at all about the future of this relationship. I take it day by day. I haven’t even gotten used to the idea of “us” being married.” He stared at me and then continued  “Are you having second thoughts?”

“No, no I’m not having second thoughts at all. I guess I was just curious…” I suddenly felt uncomfortable by blurring out my thoughts.

“What is on your mind?”

“Nothing really.”

“Are you sure?”

“I think that by looking around our house, I see that there are pieces still missing and in a sense it feels incomplete. As if it was empty or waiting to be packed up again.  It reminds me of all those arguments my parents used to have…”

“You’re talking about all those fights they had when they wanted to get a divorce?”

“Yes.”

“Look Rae, I know that was hard for you. But in the end they stayed together. Things were hard and uncertain for awhile with you. I remember your teary midnight phone calls. It was very hard for you. However things worked out for them, they got therapy and stayed married.”

“But…”

“But if you would like to discuss the “hypothetic situation, the what if…” we can talk about it.”

“I just need to express that, If in the future, you want out or I want out we know what might happen.”

“Sure.” He leaned closer to me and hugged me. “So, if we got a divorce who get’s this sofa?”

“You Do!! It’s your sofa and it’s the worst thing in this house…” I answered jokingly.

“Deal. That’s all I want…” He turned the TV on mute. “What do you want?”

“I would like for things to be divided equally. Whatever I buy is mine and whatever you buy is yours. Everything in my room comes with me. Everything in your room goes with you. Whatever we bought together or for the house gets sold and we split the earnings. The house gets sold and we split the earnings as well.”

“Seems like you have given this a lot of thought…”

“I really haven’t thought about it much. It is just that I went through the heartbreak of watching my parents walk through the house yelling at each other and then going through the drawls and grabbing things, saying ‘this is mine’  or ‘that’s mine’…. I hated that. I hated the possession of things they bought together or for each other. I hated the fighting. “

“I promise that if this arraignment ever has to end, we will discuss it calmly. As heartbreaking as it may be, we will do things equally. Honestly above everything. Right?”

“Yes….Thank you.”

He put his arm around my shoulder and said “stop thinking such negative things. We’ve only been married three months.”

 

I don’t know what made me think of this. I guess it was just a random thought. But its nice to know that he took it serious. It is nice to know that I can count on him.

We have said it before, but our relationship has always had to be based on honestly. Even if it hurts. No lies, no disguise.

Now I better get back to checking my students exams.

 

till next time

XOXO

Desirae

Lazy Day with Bryce

Dear Blog

I am a movie addict. I was sitting in our half-furnished TV room watching “How to lose a guy in 10 days” when the doorbell rang. (I was feeling lazy today, so I didn’t have anything fancy on. I was wearing my over-sized green V top and favorite black sweat pants along rainbow colored winter socks. I think I had my hair pulled back in a rubber band (and my hair is waist length long). I basically looked like a mess. )

I got up to answer the door and was greeted by Bryce. Normally he is very smiley, but as he stared back at me, he looked like he’d been hit by a train.

“Hey Bryce! Come in.”

He walked in and shook my hand. “Hi Rae. I don’t want to get to close to you; I think I am coming down with a cold. I don’t want you to get sick as well…”

“Oh, don’t be silly. I won’t get sick and even if I do, I do not mind. I don’t have to worry about getting up for a job, so I’ve got plenty of time to stay in bed being sick.” I gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. “It’s great that you stopped by. I was just watching a movie on television. But it’s great to have company.”

“I won’t stay long; I just stopped by to say ‘hello’ and see if you have any apple cinnamon tea. The store doesn’t have anymore and I know you always stock up on that tea.”

I laughed. I am addicted to apple cinnamon tea. I cannot get enough of it. Gerard hates that tea, so it is a little guilty pleasure that I can enjoy. Bryce likes that kind of tea as well, so it’s nice to have someone else that shares my taste in tea. I had just bought 4 boxes of apple cinnamon tea (each box has about 24 bags.) I walked to the pantry and brought out a box for him.

“Here you go. Keep the box. You don’ know when the store will have the tea again. Treat yourself to some delicious tea while you are sick.”

Smiling he took the box from me. I could tell that he didn’t feel well.

“Bryce, why don’t you stay a while and have a cup of tea with me. I’ll make us chicken soup for lunch and some grill cheese sandwiches.” I put my arm around his arm. “What do you say?”

“I don’t want to bother you…”

“Oh, it isn’t a bother at all. I am alone here, and I was about to make myself some tea.” I pulled him towards the couch in the TV room and put a blanket around him. I put two cups of teas to heat up in the microwave and looked for some tissues. When I walked back into the room, he had his head leaning back against the couch and he’d wrapped himself up in the blanket. I handed him his cup of tea and sat down next to him. We stared at the TV for a few minutes and let the sound coming from the movie echo through the room. Slowly he put his head against mine.

“I miss them…” he said.

I didn’t have to ask who he was talking about. I knew he was talking about his parents. Two and a half years ago, his parents were accidently killed in crossfire between policemen and drug dealers. They were at the wrong place at the wrong time. It was a horrible day. Gerard had been the one who went with him to identify the bodies. I don’t know the details, (and I never asked) but the funeral was close-casket, all I know is that that image haunts Bryce. (I wouldn’t doubt that it will haunt him until the day he dies.) Bryce, like me, is an only child. He didn’t have anyone else. His grandparents and uncles have been taking turns checking in on him. During the months that followed after their death two of Bryce’s older cousins moved in with him at his parents’ house. But eventually they moved back out and continued with their life. Bryce has been living there alone for about a six months now. I think he is fixing the house so that he can rent the house and have roommates.

I have told Bryce that he can always come and stay with us in our new home. He is more than welcome to stay overnight or weekends. He says he will take up the offer some day, but he can’t stay away from his home more than a couple days.

Now as he sits beside me, my heart breaks. He is sick and needs pampering and love. I lean closer to him and hug him. I kiss the top of his head and hold him in my arms while I rub his back. Eventually I heard him breathing steadily and I knew he’s fallen asleep. Gently I moved off the couch and went in the kitchen.

Bryce slept for about an hour and a half, when he finally woke up, he looked rested. He ate the chicken soup and grill cheese sandwich that I made for lunch/dinner.

I am grateful that my mother taught me small things in the kitchen so that I was helpful for Bryce today. The rest of the evening Bryce and I sat on the couch in front of the heater talking and laughing at old memories. It was a lazy day with my best friend.

“Bryce…” I said as I stretched my legs on the lazy-boy chair we have in the room.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” He answered smiling. He looked at his wrist watch and started to get up off the couch. “It is getting late and I think it would be best if I got home. I have an important meeting tomorrow at the studio. Thank you for the meal…”

“You don’t need to thank me. You know you are welcome here any time. It was nice hanging out today.” I walked him to the door and handed him a Tupperware with leftover chicken soup. “If you still feel bad by Monday, you should go to the doctor. Take it easy tomorrow. It’s Saturday, you still need to rest.”

He chuckled to himself. He looked a lot better than when he arrived earlier. I think he just really needed to rest and enjoy a homemade hot meal.

“Thank you again for having me. You are a saint.” He gave me a long hug and walked to his car. The house suddenly feels empty and sad. Gerard will be home in about 2 hours, but I feel alone right now.

I had started doing laundry earlier, but when Bryce came I completely forgot. As I put the wet clothes from the washing machine into the dryer my mind wanders into a state of limbo. I mentally go over what has happened during the day and think back to how far my friendship with Bryce and Gerard has come.

My train of thought gets interrupted when I hear my cel phone ring. I read on the call ID that it’s my agent.

“Hello?”

“Desirae! I’ve got wonderful news for you.” My agent said in a

“Really? What is it?”

“Your novel, “Heart Be True” has just gotten approved and goes into printing on Monday!! By Thursday your book will be in every bookstore!”

“Yes! Thank you! Thank you sooo much!” I jumped up and down in excitement. “That IS wonderful news!”

“We are proud of you…”

“I hope it lives up to my previous novel.”

“Oh, you don’t worry about that!” She said. “By the way, have you found a job yet?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Listen, my nephew goes to the “LongVille* School” I heard they are hiring teachers. Why don’t you apply there?”

“I’ll take it into account! Thanks!”

“You are welcome. I have to go doll. But enjoy your evening and celebrate!”

I’m going to jump in the shower and get dressed up. I’m going to tell Gerard that we are going out for dinner. I don’t care if it’s a fancy restaurant or just to the local hamburger spot. My novel is hitting the stores soon and I am so excited!!

Till next time.

XOXO

Desirae

*Name changed for privacy reasons.

A Day with Bryce_ 71 Days Till Wedding

Dear Blog

I love Mondays. I don’t have any classes on Mondays this semester! Since I´m due to graduate December 3^rd, I have fewer classes. (but that doesn’t mean they aren’t as difficult). Yesterday was a very eventful day with Bryce.

I love going shopping with him because he seems to know where the best shops are. He also understands my style better than Gerard. We weren’t able to find a dress, but we did find a beautiful wedding shop that designs dresses. I had not really considered designing my own dress. I guess I’m lazy that way. I wanted to find my perfect wedding dress hanging in some shop just waiting for me. But Husband #2 (our pen name for Bryce), proved me wrong.

After looking in about 4 different shops, Bryce told me he was going to take me to the best shop he knew.

“I can guarantee that you will find your wedding dress there.” He said as he dragged me downtown. “It is the best spot to shop. My co-worker said she got her dress there. I saw pictures of the dress and it was stunning.”

“What about the prices?” I asked.

“They are reasonable.”

I didn’t believe him, but he had been such a trooper by going all over town with me and watching me try on endless amounts of dresses. I knew he wouldn’t lead me to a shop that wasn’t up to the standards.

As soon as we pulled into the parking lot I saw about 4 dresses hanging in the window that I loved. They were original, unique and different from what I’d seen before. I was out of the car and pressing myself against the window in no time.

“Oh! Bryce! Look at the dress! Isn’t it beautiful?” I pointed at a dress that had embroidered white roses long the edge. The top part of the dress was striking, but was a halter top. (Goner…) “Oh! Look at that dress! I love the veil!” I pointed a plain white dress that gathered in the back and had a lacy veil with swirls of pearls. I continued to walk along the window staring in at the different dresses and pulling Bryce along.

“Desiree, you know that you can actually go inside, right?” he said jokingly with me.

“What is this place?” I asked as I walked in. We were greeted by a woman in a beige suit. She was holding a small tray with a little white notebook that had a wedding dress design on it. The notebook came with a black pen that was decorated in a little black suit.

“Hello! Welcome to “Brides and Dresses”. All the dresses you see are one of a kind.” She handed Bryce and I a notebook with a pen. “These are dresses designed by designer students that want to specialize in wedding dresses. Please feel free to look around the store and try on any dress you like. If you see a design that calls your attention then write down the number of the dress to that we may help you design your perfect dress.”

I looked over at Bryce who seemed to be glowing with pride. He had found my perfect wedding shop. We walked around the shop and I tried on a couple dresses, but none of them looked as nice on me as I wanted. I kept writing down in the notebook ideas that I had for my dress. Soon, I had a small sketch of how I wanted my dress. We walked up to the young woman to ask if we could get a quote on how much it could cost to design my dress.

“When is your wedding?” the young woman asked.

“In two months.” I answered. “In 71 days to be exact.”

“Wow, congratulations!”

“Is it possible to create a dress from an original design in that short of time?” Bryce asked.

“It is cutting it close, but it isn’t impossible. Creating the dress and having it ready on time really depends on the design. It depends on all the details. Do you have an idea of how you would like your dress to be?”

I showed her my sketch and told her what pieces I liked from the other designs. She excused herself for a second to call the designer department. I was nervous that perhaps they would say it wasn’t possible to accomplish in such a short time.

“My supervisor says we can have the dress done in two weeks. Most of the extra design, such as the embroidery can be done within a month. But before we go into such details, we need to make sure the dress fits.”

“Are you saying that if all goes well the whole dress could be done within a month?” I asked in shock.

“Yes, ma’m.”

“Wow, I’ll definitely take it. However I do have one more question. How much will it cost?”

I’m not going to tell you the price she said, because you would not believe me. It was, as Bryce said, a very, very reasonable price. I would have paid at least a couple of hundred bucks more than what they were asking.

So I got the dress. They took my measurements there, so that in two weeks (October 22^nd.) I can go back for a fitting. I’m excited to see how it will look. I can’t wait to bring my mom with me next time so she can see the dress.

I know she was a bit disappointed that she wasn’t able to come with me today. She went to Laredo, Texas to pick up the mail. Our mail box has been getting filled since I am still getting RSVP’s to the wedding.

Bryce drove me to my house and I invited him in to hang out some more. I heated up some cups of hot water to make instant coco. Autumn weather has started, every night is cold. I figured something warm would keep our spirits up. He sat at the kitchen table watching me jump up and down from excitement.”I got a dress! I got a dress!” I kept singing. He laughed and turned on the TV. An elaborate commercial about Halloween Sales was playing.

“Do you remember the first time I came to your house?” he asked.

“Yes, of course. It was at New Year’s Eve last year. I had a wonderful time. Normally I hate the celebration of New Year’s, but that time I loved it. Plus, you taught me to dance.” I said, handing him his hot drink.

“I had a great time too. I was thinking that maybe we should take a dance class together…”

“That would be lovely…”

I had always been a terrible dancer…and I used to think it was due to my weight. But last year, Bryce taught me that it wasn´t my weight that kept me from dancing, it was my fear of making a fool out of myself…

DIARY ENTRY #14

January 1^st,

11:00am

Dear Diary

LAST NIGHT WAS A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!! Everyone came over to the house. Gerard and Bryce showed up early to help me decorate. They even brought music to brighten up my day. I have always been a bum when it comes to celebrating New Years eve. I don’t like celebrating the start of a new year, I have never seen any sense it in. Each year always seems to be uneventful. Last year however ended amazingly and this year started even more amazingly!!

My classmates showed up around ten o’clock and hung out at the house until about one in the morning. Gerard drank himself into a very happy and friendly stage, while Bryce remained the sober designated driver. I was busy playing hostess and staying away from the “dance floor”, when Bryce came to find me. He told me to relax and enjoy the party.

“I’m only seeing you run around everywhere trying to please everyone. Relax and enjoy your party. Come out and dance a bit.”

I shook my head and told him I preferred to watch the dancing. “I can’t dance.”

“That’s nonsense. I am sure you are a very good dancer. Weren’t you in dance classes when you were younger?” he asked.

“I was in folkloric dancing and hip hop years ago. But I got kicked out of the schools.” I said. “I couldn’t keep up.”

“Well, today is your lucky night. I feel like dancing and you are going to be my partner. My boyfriend, your fiancée, is too drunk to dance, and I’m not going to start the new year without having one last dance.”

He dragged me out of the kitchen and into the living room where everyone was dancing. He told me to ‘feel’ the music and sway with it. I tried it and I felt like a stiff robot. I could tell by his face that I was doing something wrong. “Wait.” he said. He held his hands out for me and started spinning me around, pulling and pushing me towards him. It was a very dizzy kind of fun dance. My feet started moving at their own rhythm. (and I only stepped on his feet a couple of times.) My friends started clapping as we danced together and I felt like free. The radio in the other room caught our attention. The countdown for the New Year was about to begin. We grabbed our little cup with twelve grapes and started the countdown.

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Bryce and Gerard both caught me in a big huge. “Happy New Year Desiree”.

I don’t think the New Year could have started any better. I felt loved and being embraced by my two best friends was the greatest way to start the year… I may not have the perfect weight, but I have two amazing friends that keep trying to make me fearless to the smallest things in life… ] END OF DIARY ENTRY #14

I have lost a lot of weight since then. I obviously had to for the wedding. I’m healthier, and in a way, I always hoped that by losing the extra weight Gerard would find me more attractive. But to my disappointment, he still looks at me the same way. I shouldn’t complain, I would probably still love him and look at him the same way if he gained weight…

My dancing hasn’t improved, but I feel lucky knowing that there is someone out there willing to dance with me, even when I make a complete fool of myself.

I think I might take up Bryce’s offer about signing up for dance classes. Gerard is an excellent dancer, but he doesn’t ever have the time to teach me. We get desperate with each other when it comes to dancing. I’m not sure we are going to dance at our wedding reception… I wonder if it would look bad to dance with the Best-Man? Lol.

XOXO

Desiree

Some diary entry parts have been edited, removed or slightly changed so that I may keep some privacy.

Nevertheless don’t doubt that much of what is written here is 95% in it’s original form.

Telling His Parents_Part-2_72 Days Till Wedding.

PART II

Dear Blog

I guess he is pissed that I didn´t answer this text message. Maybe I’ll answer it later. If I feel like it…

Where did we leave off?

Oh, of course telling his parents…

PART II

Continue from Diary Entry #5

Gerard arrived at half past two at my doorstep. (Once Again without any flowers. I guess I should not expect that from him; he has never got me flowers. The fantasy of him getting flowers has always been in my head… bummer…)

I jumped in the car telling him that my mom wasn’t in a good mood and that it would be best to say hello to her after we got back. I guess he realized that I was on the verge of tears, because he didn’t argue with me.

“Are you ok?” he asked.

“I had an argument with my mom. It is nothing new and nothing you should worry about. “

“I don’t believe that you’re fine. But I know what will cheer you up.”

He turned on his I-pod and connected it to the stereo in his car and we listened to the hit songs for a couple minutes. He started singing some of the lyrics while I just bobbed my head back and forth. I’ve never been a good singer, so I don’t sing in public. I once sang at a party and Gerard said that his ears were ringing for two days. (he always knows just the right thing to say to brighten my day… lol).

“Sing, Rae” he told me. “It helps liberate your spirit.”

“That is the biggest lie I’ve ever heard!” I laughed at his idea. I held up an invisible microphone and lip-sang with him while he drove. It took my mind off my mind and within another couple minutes we were talking about something else. I asked him if he had told his mom why we were going over to visit. He said that he just told her that we were going to go out to have coffee.

“My dad will catch up with us later.” He told me as we pulled into his mother’s drive-way. “He has a couple rounds he has to do at the hospital this afternoon. But he’ll meet us at the restaurant; I told him it was important.”

He turned off the engine in the car and just sat there.

“Are you ok?” I asked. “Are you nervous?”

He looked at me and smiled. “I just never thought something like this would ever happen. I never thought I would be coming home with a girl to tell my mom that I was getting married.”

I laughed and unbuckled my seatbelt. “Don’t worry, love. I’m sure she never expected this day to come either… You do have 911 on speed-dial, right?”

Our conversation was interrupted when we heard his mother’s voice coming from the front door. “Honey, is that you? I just came back from the grocery store. Could you help me unload the stuff? I’ll be in the kitchen. Don’t carry too many bags at a time and drop things. I spend too much time at the store trying to buy the best fruit, only to come home and have you drop the bag.”

Sensing that it wasn’t an option to help or not help, Gerard and I each grabbed a couple bags and walked inside. I have only been to his house a handful of times, and each time I go I fall in love with his house. His mother has the best eye for decorating. Every detail in the house, from the carpeting to the ceramic figurines is in a room for a specific reason. Everything in the rooms is color coordinated and welcoming. I’ve often told Gerard that if his mother hadn’t become a lawyer, she would have been an excellent interior designer.

“You have a beautiful home Mrs. Valdespino.”

“Oh thank you Desiree. It is always a pleasure to have you come over. You make my day with your polite comments.” She quickly kissed me on the cheek and continued about unpacking the groceries from the bags. “Keeping this house tidy is a challenge seeing that the boys don’t ever help around the house. They leave the women to do all that work.”

“I’ll make sure that if I have boys to teach them how to keep a house tidy.” I replied.

“Well, not if I can help me.” Gerard said, closing the front door and carrying in the last bag. “Boys should be allowed to come and go as they please. The duty of the house is either done by women or hired help.”

Mrs. Valdespino laughed. (She has the nicest laugh, I wonder if she knows that. I hardly ever hear her laugh. She is always so serious and I guess her profession asks her to be serious.) “Honey, how is it your business what your friend decides to do with her children. You keep your nose out of it.” She waved a carrot at him.

“Well, you just never know mother.” He said, pulling my up my left hand to show her the ring. “I hope to have at least half a say in the raising of the kids.”

His mother looked at me and then at the ring. She congratulated me and complimented the ring. “How lovely! Who is the lucky fellow?”

“Your son.” I said. “He proposed last night.”

She stopped dead in her tracks and stared at Gerard and me. I could tell that it seemed like she was waiting to a punch line or for us to burst out laughing and say it was a joke. But when she saw that neither one of us was laughing she took my hand in hers again and said: “You’re shi**ing me right?”

I don’t know if I laughed because I thought it was funny or because I was nervous as hell. We assured her that it wasn’t a joke. I could tell she was still in shock, so we went into the details of how he proposed. Soon she was in tears and hugging me. It was then that I realized that she did in fact have suspicions about Gerard and his preference, but by getting engaged her suspicions vanished. She kept congratulating us over and over. Then, as if a crazy idea came across her mind, she stopped. She looked at me and then at Gerry.

“Wait, when are you planning on getting married? You’re not pregnant are you?” she put her hand in front of my stomach. (DIET SOON!!!!)

Luckily Gerard took over and told her that the wedding would take place in a year from now. I’m excited now that she knows. She seems thrilled with the idea of having me as a future-daughter-in-law and I am thrilled with the idea of being in her family. She is a very nice lady and I’m excited of having her as a mother-in-law.

Gerard told his mom that we were going to go out to coffee to meet his father and tell him the good news.

“Before we leave, I want a picture of this moment. I want a picture of the very moment you guys came over to tell me you’re getting married. The glow you both have right now won’t last until the wedding. Let me get the camera.” She ran into the other room and ran back out. “Say ‘cheese!’ “ ] PAUSE FROM DIARY ENTRY #5

She was right. That picture is one of my most favorite pictures because we do look happy and “glowy” together. In the picture I am sitting at the kitchen table and Gerry is leaning over with his head against mine. We are both smiling into the camera…

[ CONTINUE…

Skipping to the restaurant…

Men are so much simpler when it comes to expressing excitement. Gerard’s father gave him a big back-breaking pat on the back and hugged me. He smiled with such pride that it stung in my heart. I wonder if it bothered Gerard. I wonder how they would react if they knew the truth. Would they be this excited if Gerry married his true love Bryce? I could bet my life that this scenario would probably play out differently.

“I’m proud of you son.” His father said. “It seems like you’ve got a very nice woman here. A true keeper.”

“We were afraid that you would never get married…” his mother began.

“Why was that?” I asked.

“Well, because…we went through a terrible time when we were getting divorced. I guess I was afraid that he would be hesitant to every get married.” His father answered.

His parents asked me a little more about myself and asked when I graduate. Gerry and I have not discussed the wedding date yet, because up until now, we’ve only talked about being engaged until he gets his promotion. It is kind of sad that we are going through all this farce to pretend to be engaged only to make sure his job is safe…

If I could, I would love to get married on December 15^th and if my calculations are correct, I could be graduating college two weeks before getting married…

Do I really know what I’ve gotten myself into? ] END OF DIARY ENTRY #5

No, I have no idea what I’ve gotten myself into… but I don’t regret how far we’ve come.

Bryce is coming to pick me up later to help me find a wedding dress. No one can believe that with only 72 days away from the wedding I’m still looking for a dress… I’m just looking for the perfect dress. Maybe I should design it…

XOXO

Desirae

Some diary entry parts have been edited, removed or slightly changed so that I may keep some privacy. Nevertheless don’t doubt that much of what is written here is 95% in it’s original form.

Telling His Parents_Part-1_73 Days Till Wedding.

Dear Blog

I just realized that in the last post I didn’t write about how we told his parents. I began by telling you that I was with my future-mother-in-law looking at a picture she took of us, but then I forgot to mention it again. On the first night of the proposal we told my parents and the following night we told his parents.

Therefore without much ado, Diary Entry #5 Part 1 (I say “part 1” because I have an important meeting tomorrow and it is very late at night, so I doubt I will have time to write the whole day down.)

Diary Entry #5

[December 23^rd

Dear Diary

It’s almost 2:00 o’clock. Gerard said he was going to pick me up at half past one…or was it half past two? In any case, I guess it’s just as well that he didn’t arrive early or on time. My mom and I just had a big fight about him. She doesn’t understand why I’ve agreed to marry him. She doesn’t approve of it. She thinks I’m being foolish and that I’m jeopardizing my future.

“He is gay!” she screamed at me. “How could he possibly make you happy? How could you consider marrying him?! I will not pay for you to have a fake wedding…”

“Mother!” I was sitting in the living room rubbing my head. Her screaming was causing me to have a headache. “It isn’t for sure that we might get married. This is just something that happened and I agreed to it because we both love each other. Maybe it’s not the typical romantic type of love that we see in movies or the type of romantic love that I’ve searched for when I date. But we respect each other. He cares for me as I am and I care for him as he is…”

“So all this is a farce? You’re not going to eventually get married to him?”

“I don’t know yet…” I wanted to tell her the truth that we were just pulling this off until for awhile. “I don’t expect you to fully understand my decision mom. I just want you to support it. If you don’t want to spend a lot of money on your only daughter’s wedding just because she is getting married to someone you don’t approve of then you don’t have to. I…We will find another way to finance a wedding. He is graduating this coming spring semester and I will graduate next fall semester. We will find a way to work things out. “

My mom finally sat down on the sofa across from me. I could tell that she was still very upset.

“I can’t deal with this.” She said. “I just don’t understand why…”

I knew I was going to have to lie…and I regret what I said as soon as it came out of my mouth. “He swings both ways mom. He’s gone out with guys, but now he’s wants to start a ‘normal’ family. I would like that very much as well…”

My mom stared at me. I could tell she was still trying to figure out things in her mind. “I can’t do this right now. We will talk about this later tonight.”

“Gerard is picking me up in a little bit. We are going over to tell his mother and then his father. I will try and be home early.”

“Do whatever you want. I don’t care.” She spat out at me as she walked into the kitchen.

I could feel tears forming in my eyes as she said that. I wonder if what I’ve gotten myself into will ruin our relationship. Maybe I should back out? I felt like the house was suffocating me, so I walked outside. I looked down the street to see if I could spot Gerard’s car coming. We needed to talk before we headed over to his parents place.

We had agreed to go to his mother’s house first since it was closest and then drive to his father’s place. Gerard’s parents got divorced when he was a teenager, and even though they ended things badly, they were always present for their children. I have never met his father, so I’m a bit nervous to find out what he is like… His mother on the other hand, is a very strong-minded person who can be very sweet or your worst nightmare.

I hope that we can have a good relationship for the sake of the whole family. If my mom and her team up to go against Gerard and I being engaged I don’t think I’d be able to go through with this. I don’t think his mother knows of his sexual preference, but I’m sure she suspects. I’ll find out soon enough…

] END OF DIARY ENTRY #5 PART 1

It is late and this was one of the hardest entries to edit. I can’t stay up longer, but I will finish editing it tomorrow and upload it.

My cel phone is beeping...I wonder who is texting me at this late hour? My caller ID says it is from Gerard… Ah, the nightly “Good-night Love” message…

Some days he is very thoughtful and sweet. Some days he isn’t…

He screwed up the other day, and this time I won’t let him off easy…

*Are you sure you want to delete the text message?*

*YES*

*Message Deleted*

Good.

I have to go to bed.

Goodnight.

XOXO

Desirae

Proposal_Engagement 74 Days till Wedding

As of October 2011 Entry has been moved to:

myoddmarriage.blogspot.com 

:D

Check it out for Marriage Updates.

xoxo

Desirae Valdespino