Always to Blame...

I'm always the one to blame when things go wrong.
I'm always the one at fault at home when things go bad
I'm the one that screws up.
I'm the one that destroys things... and I don't mean to.
I'm so hurt.
Confused.
I don't know what to do or say.
You tell me later that it's not my fault, but in the heat of the moment
it's always say it's my fault...

Sometimes I'm a child other times I'm an adult.
But I'm terrified even though you ask me to be strong.
It's my fault for not knowing how to fix this.
It's my fault, I don't know why or how... but if you blame me.
If you say it's my fault, then I'll accept it...
Because as parents you've never lied to me.

Just.. don't make me choose where I want my life to be.
Don't make me choose, because I love you both.


This next excerpt is for you...just for you... even though I know you'll never see it or read it...

When we love,we lie
When we talk,we hide
Maybe I'm searching blind
I'm worn out,
Confused
What are we to you?
What are we doing?
What are we doing?

What about us?
What about love?
What about saying
That we'll never give up?
Don't wanna blame ya
But we're in danger


Till next time.

Love.
D.C.

Exchange Program

 

I might go on an exchange program and I am very excited, but I’m also very nervous of what may happen. If i don’t get accepted, then I’ll definitely be heartbroken.

I really want this. I really want to go. I want to get of here!!!

I’ve gotten at least half of the paperwork done with and over.

Now, it’s that hardest part… the waiting.

Golly… the waiting…

Horror…

tick, tock, tick, tock…

Time…

aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

till next time!

Love.

D.C.

If You Ask Me To...

Why can't I stop loving you??
This is for you...this song is for you. Because you make my heartbeat every time I see you and you make my heart break every time you run to someone else arms.




Used to be that I believed in something
Used to be that I believed in love
It's been a long time since I've had that feeling
I could love someone
I could trust someone
I said I'd never let nobody near my heart again darlin'
I said I'd never let nobody in

But if you asked me to
I just might change my mind
And let you in my life forever
If you asked me to
I just might give my heart
And stay here in your arms forever
If you asked me to
If you asked me to

Somehow ever since I've been around you
Can't go back to being on my own
Can't help feeling darling since I've found you
That I've found my home
That I'm finally home
I said I'd never let nobody get too close to me darling
I said I needed, needed to be free

(But if you asked me to...)

Asked me to, I will give my world to you baby
I need you now
Ask me to and I'll do anything for you baby, for you baby

If you asked me to
I'd let you in my life forever
If you asked me to...


Till next time.
Love
D.C.

Rock'n Roll Me!!!

haha
ok, maybe not Rock'n Roll.. but this weekend, I've been feeling very "Metalic"...

Just listen to this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGnAzkh9kn0


Path- by Apocalitipica.


Amazing sound!!!

I kind of love the "remix" version of that song..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0_aZXI-3uY&feature=related

Path- Apocalyptica and Sandra Nasic.


Anyway :P

Till next time

love
D.C.

Phrase of the day..

Through the good times. Through the bad times. When a Man Loves a Woman: it's for all times.

...
Wow... It's amazing how a simple phrase like that can hold so much meaning. It's amazing how this phrase is, or rather, should be true.

"Through the good times. Through the bad times. When One Person Loves Another Person: It's for all Times."


I've seen this phrase at work with one couple. One of my friends. They love eachother through all good and all bad. It's amazing to see it. To see the love they have in each others eyes.
It's the kind of love people wait a lifetime to see or feel.
It's the kind of love people would kill for.

It's true love.

Love me without Fear
Trust me without Questioning
Need me without Demanding
Want me without Restrictions
Accept me without Change
Desire me without Inhibitions
Because with this kind of love
It will Never Fly Away...


Till next time.

Love
D.C.

Thought of the day....

John Barrowman is hot.
H-O-T!

Too bad he is gay... haha.. But I love his songs. Especially "What About Us".

The lyrics are amazing...

"We know what we need....Separately"

"We fight till we cry"

"When we Love, We Lie
When we Talk, We Hide"...

"I'm worn out
Confused.
What are we to do?
What are we doing?"


Wow.. Now, I'm the kind of girl that really enjoys and love small phrases like those. I mean.. you can get so much out of them. These phrases can tell so much. They are powerful.
A family member once told them that there was no other way to make statements than "Strong deep ones". There is no other way to go than deep.
People remember catchy and deep phrases.

My thoughts for today?
Live Now, Love Now, Laugh Now. Give it your all everyday.

What about you? What about your love? Have you discussed that today?


Till next time.

Love
D.C.

My heart in Unchained Melody

Ok.. I'll admit it. I am a hopeless romantic. But unchain melody just breaks my heart.
I love red roses. I love secrets love notes.
But certain love songs just break my heart and make me cry. haha
Unchained Melody does this...I could just ball my eyes out. It's not just the lyrics (I'll be coming home wait for me, love me).. but the rhythm as well.

I love being the best friend that people can tell their love life too. Sometimes people say that I seem to know just what to say for a broken heart...
Perhaps, because I'm in the friendship side. Which is fun sometimes! I mean, no commitment! Just hang out without doubting "Does he like me?" Do I look nice? Did i say the right thing? Was that a turn on or a turn off? etc...

I think different parts of my life can be told or related to in songs...melodies. Melodies, piano songs without any lyrics can say so much more than what the heart can understand.


Whoa! My love, my darling,
I hunger for your touch,
Alone. Lonely time.
And time goes by, so slowly,
And time can do so much,
Are you still mine?
I need your love.
I need your love.
God speed your love to me.

Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea,
To the open arms of the sea.
Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me,
I'll be coming home, wait for me.


Am I thinking of someone special on this Friday night? Yes.. perhaps.. I'm sitting in the dark with a flashlight. It's raining outside. It's 9:30pm Friday night. My parents are in bed sleeping and snoring. And I am here in the dark writing on my blog. Writing my thoughts. Listening to sappy love songs. Wishing instead that I was out dancing the night away. Listening to music so loud that I can't even hear my thoughts. Making a fool of myself on the dance floor.

But I'm here...in bed, being told to go to sleep at 9:40pm on a Friday night after a stressful week. I'm listening to Unchained Melody imagining that someone is dedicating it to me.
Imagining that any moment now a friend or someone might pick up the phone and call my celphone and say "I just wanted to hear your voice. Let's talk about everything and nothing at all."


Till next time.

Love
D.C.

oohh What's Love got to do with it?

OOOOHHHHH....
What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love, but a second-hand emotion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

haha.. I soo have this song stuck in my head!!! :D

Thinking of my friends and singing "Ain't to Mountain High Enough"... That song is dedicated to them..

I'd write something more interesting, but I'm haveing my Tina Tuner moment and I'm going to make a fool of myself singing to myself in the Libary "What's Love got to do with it?"


LLLLAAAAAAAAAAA

It may seem to you
That I'm acting confused
When you're close to me
If I tend to look dazed
I read it some place
I've got cause to be
There's a name for it
There's a phrase fits
But whatever the reason
You do it for me

I've been taking on a new direction
And I have to say
I've been thinking 'bout my own protection
It scares me to feel this way

What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love, but a sweet old fashioned notion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken


But What the Hell Does Love Have to Do with it????

mua!!
Till next time!

Love
D.C.

Czech Republic/Brno... Hour for Friend

RULES for girls..

ok..
Every girl has rules that she sets up with her best gal friends.
These rules dictate if you're in good fortune with the group of friend or not.
If you break one of the rules...Pray for your life.

Here are some examples of rules that I have heard and, follow myself,

They are not in any specific order

*) Never date your best friend's ex boyfriend. Don't even dream of it. (besides.. isn't it a bit gross that His lips were on your best friends lips at one time? yew...)

*) Don't dress like twins. One if always thinking of WHO looks better.

*) Always listen with your heart open to what your friend has to say. Support above all. Keep the "sisterhood" strong.

*) NEVER let a guy come between the sisterhood. It's never worth it and you'll regret it forever.

*) Sharing dresses and jewelry is fun! Share! Enjoy time together always!

*) Always be honest, even if it hurts.

*) Know how to keep secrets within the group. Trust and respect.

*) Email. Snail mail. Chat. Telephone, etc. Choose something and always keep in touch.

*) PJ's Parties are the best time to talk about guys! But beware if you're talking about the SAME guy.

*) Only gal friends understand how deep a tear shed from a broken heart can be.


I can't think of anymore rules.. haha but if I do, I'll add them! See ya all around later!

love
D.C.

Self sufficient. Independent.

 

I grew up as an only child. I grew up around a lot of adults. I grew up believing that I should grow up fast and be an adult because people needed my help. People needed me to be strong and brave and always be available.

So I grew up believing that I should be self-sufficient. Independent. To no need anyone. To work alone and always efficiently. I’ve believed that I should never need anyone, that any problems i have I should keep to myself. That I should never cry in front of someone. That I should never get angry, because I’m always wrong. That i should keep everything bottled up and never express it.

I should always be “happy, cheerful and smile”. Sometimes this is so fake, that I don’t even realize it anymore. Very few of my friends know when I’m being true and when I’m forcing it.

I was meant to help other people. I have to always be available for them. My phone is always on. My cel phone always has to be in range. I have to let people know where I am at all times, because I’m terrified that if they try and call me and they aren’t able to get in touch, that it will be my fault.

I try doing the same things everyday, so I’m predictable and people know where to find me. I am here and I always will be.

I don’t care if you call me at midnight for help. I am happy to help and be there for people. I love helping. I love that I am “needed” in that way.

Just don’t except me to turn to you when I’m in trouble because I don’t think I will. I have been taught to be self-dependent. I have been taught to need no one. I have been taught to not cry. I have been taught that life is unfair but you must deal with it. I have been taught to be smart on my own, to do my best and never ask for help. I have been taught to be invincible.

All I ask, is that if you are going to want for me to be your confidant, your trustworthy person, your friend… just spell it out for me. Tell me, so I know in some small way, that you care. Just give me that… give me a small gesture that you care for me too, that you aren’t just using me.

Till next time.

Love

D.C.

Again?

I spoke with you today...
I spoke with you..my somebody that always listens to my problems, that is always there for me...
I appreciate you listening to me and being willing to try and help. But this is something I think, I need to try and do on my own. I just need you right now to understand that it is going to take some time and some patience on your part.

I fell in love again.
Well, perhaps not love. I mean, what is the big meaning behind that? It's too profound to simply be tossed around like that. Let's just say, my heart sank, my heart went out to a guy I met in the library. I was alone waling down the aisles, looking for a book when he stood next to me (also looking for a book). He looked at me and I looked at him. I offered him a small, polite smile, and he smiles back. We shared small talk in whispers. We spoke about books and other unimportant themes.
He smiled and we sat down on the floor flipping though books keeping up the chat.
It seemed unbelievable that a cute guy like that would talk to me, smile at me, stand by me or sit by me.
Suddenly another guy stood next to us and kissed my library-crush.
I should have know that such a cute guy who would actually smile at me and compliment me on how nice i looked, would turn out to be gay.
I have nothing against it... except that I keep falling for guys like that.
It almost seems unfair...If I'm going to keep falling for guys like that, won't at least one pretend to love me? Won't at least one care enough to love me back and decide to share a lifelong friendship? Aren't the "best" marriages best on friends?

I spoke to you today about this and you laughed and said that I shouldn't be silly. That i should stop torturing myself and simply understand that in this lifetime I will always be the friend and never the lover or wife.
That i was to always be the bridesmaid, the best friend, and never the bride.

But I'll prove you wrong. I'll prove that I am capable of having someone love me. Just because I'm always turned aside and cast as the best friend, doesn't mean I'll stop loving. I'll love everyone even though it hurts. I'll continue to fall in love though heartaches and your mocking.
I'll always be the loving friend if that is necessary. I won't turn my heart cold for you.
So yes...I was hurt to see my library-crush walk away with his boyfriend. But I'd like to think that that is me...except, I'm always walking away with my best friend by my side...
I'll always love you, no matter your interests.
I'll always be here for you.
I'll always love you, and I'll always love being by your side as a friend.


Or am I simply torturing myself and being cruel by staying at your side, still in love with everything you are?


love
D.C.

Cupid is gay...

Bed! Bed! I couldn't go to bed!
My head's too light to try to set it down! Sleep! Sleep!
I couldn't sleep tonight.
Not for all the jewels in the crown!
I could have danced all night!
I could have danced all night!
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things I've never done before.
I'll never know What made it so exciting;
Why all at once My heart took flight.
I only know when he
Began to dance with me I could have danced,
danced, danced all night!

indeed, indeed
wouldn't you all enjoy a laugh?
wouldn't you all care to know about my second half?
he was cute and kind
he blew my senses away, i was out of my mind
i thought everything was perfect
i thought the law of attraction would take effect
and stupid cupid got in the way
shot my crush right through the heart
and shot my best friend Derek too
So once again,
cupid, cupid, you little piece of ...
shot my crush and turned him gay
can't you see my best years are wasting away?


hahaa... this one is for YOU!!!!

love
D.C.

No more “Andrew Chronicles” on blog…

Hello!!

I’m afraid I won’t be posting anymore of “The Andrew Chronicles” on the blog anymore. However, those of you who know my writing-updates, can still get updates on the story by sending me an email and subscribing to my “fanmail”  writerupdates_dc@yahoo.com.

This was “fan base mail” that a couple of my friends started up 2 1/2 years ago. Every two months i send out a letter with an update on ALL my novels, short stories, poems, etc… and answer any questions about my writings to that email. So if you want to subscribe just send me an email with the SUBJECT: SUBSCRIBE.

I try and answer the emails as frequent as possible, don’t get discouraged if it takes me a while to answer. I get busy with school and work.

anyway! take care!!

love

D.C.