WEDDING DAY!!

Dear Blog,

Today was my wedding. I am at the hotel right now. I should get some sleep because Gerry and I have an early flight to Belgium tomorrow. But I wanted to update you on our wedding!

We come back from our Honeymoon on the 24th. We will spend Christmas Morning with my parents and then go visit Gerry’s parents.

I won’t update the blog during the week of my honeymoon! Sorry! But this is my special break and time with my darling new husband! lol.



Gerard called me last night to talk a little. He was very nervous about today. I guess he thought I would get cold feet. But it didn’t happen… It was nice hearing his voice before I fell asleep.

I got up around 9:00am. I am not sure why I’m so exhausted. Most brides must be restless and excited for their wedding day. I guess I just knew everything would fall into place. I had breakfast with my parents and then got dressed in my favorite green button blouse and blue jeans. My mom had made me a hair and makeup appointment at a local hair saloon at 3:00pm. The mass isn’t until 7:00. But she figured that having a good 4 hours would be enough time to get my hair and makeup done. I chose a simple hair style. Half of my hair was in a bun and the other half was curled/wavy. It was a nice change to see my hair so beautifully done, compared to the normal-dead-straight-hair look i have everyday. I also wore the sparkle tiara that my grandmother bought me for my Sweet Sixteen birthday.

I think my makeup was very simple as well. The make-up ‘wonder-woman’ put blue and pink eye shadow on my eye. It was so pretty. She blended the colors in such a way that my eyes looked wintery..almost frosted. It didn’t look theatrical, instead it looked very natural. I feel in love with the look. I’d love to be able to recreate it. It felt very weird wearing my contact lenses today instead of my glasses. I promised to practice wearing contact lenses a week before the wedding, but I kept forgetting. So I started my wedding day, with the awkward feeling that something was missing on my face…

Getting my hair and makeup done took longer that I thought, I was done by 5:00. My mom and I drove home. I was greeted with by my Maid of Honor and a couple other gal friends. They helped me into my wedding dress and kept me animated. The photographer arrived close to 6:00 and began taking pictures of me in my dress. We took pictures around the house and posing with my parents. My father surprised me with a white stretch limousine outside out house to take me to the church. I almost started crying. I didn’t expect that. With all the expenses from the wedding, I didn’t even consider renting a ride to the wedding. I figured we would just go in the family car. It was a sweet surprise.

My parents and Maid of honor rode in the limo with me. It smelled new and inside the limo were 2 white roses and a note from Gerry.

“Do you have plans later?”

I laughed at his silly message. It made me feel a little less nervous. My dad told me that last night at the Rehearsal, Gerry asked him to place the roses and note in the limo for me. He knew I’d be feeling very nervous as the hours to the wedding approached.

On the way to the church I talked with my best friend/maid of honor Penelope. She got engaged two weeks ago and I was thrilled for her. We talked about how she would be at her wedding and how I’d be the one running around making sure everything was perfect. It had been our childhood dream to get married on the same day, or simple get married within a week of each other. But as we grew older, we understood that it was best that each one had her own special today.

Today was my day.

Something old: my tiara

Something new: my wedding dress

Something borrowed: I wore a snowflake necklace that my grandmother owns.

Something blue: My garter. lol

I felt like we got to the church very fast and the time flew by even faster. Before I realized it, my friend was handing me my bouquet of flowers (white roses, forget-me-nots and… darn! I have to double check with my mother. She did my bouquet! All I know is that it was beautiful!!) and my dad was holding my arm and walking me down the aisle.

I felt beautiful as I walked towards the man that was going to be my husband. Gerard looked handsome as ever in his tuxedo. He wore the white tie I’d suggested. Bryce, his best man, stood next to him and looked equally as handsome. My dad let me to Gerry and lifted my veil to kiss me on the cheek. He looked so happy as well. I am going to burn that image into my head forever. Gerard took my hand and led me to the seats in front of the alter. I forgot there was a little step before the alter and as I walked up with Gerard I tripped. I almost fell down, but Gerry was quick enough to react and catch me in mid air. (I can’t wait to see wedding video and see how that looked. lol)

Mass went by fast. I thought it would go by slow, but staring into Gerard’s eyes and see how proud our parents were, I lost track of time. We both wrote our own wedding vows. Gerry’s vows brought tears to my eyes, (I asked him write it down so I can add it to the wedding scrap book.) I will add my wedding vows as well. When I have them written down, I will add them here.

“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

Gerry leaned in and kissed me slowly, softly and lovingly. I couldn’t stop smiling. I was so happy and I could tell Gerry was happy as well. We walked back down the aisle and stood at the door greeting people. The photographer and video man had us smiling and taking pictures with family members and friends in the church. We reenacted a couple of moments, and then got in the limo and headed to the reception.

In the limo Gerry told me he thought I looked beautiful. For a moment it all felt very real. Gerry was in love with me. He was marrying me. He loved me. He loved me in the way that, a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with someone, loves a woman. And for a moment that was enough. I love him and he loves me in the purest way ever. It’s not romantic, but it’s honest. I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and then hinted where the garter was on my leg. It was embarrassing thinking that everyone was going to look at us and watch him take the garter. lol. I wanted him to try and find it fast.





I’d love to write more about the wedding, but I have to go to sleep now. I have to get up early tomorrow so we can catch our flight to Europe! I will update later! Or after the 25th! I am taking 10 days off from blog, cause it’s my HONEYMOON!! :D

XOXO

Desirae

aka

Mrs. Valdespino <3

Wedding TOMORROW!!—1 Day Till Wedding

 

Dear Blog

I’m getting married tomorrow.

 

 

I am giddy with excitement and nauseas from nerves.

More updates later.

 

Till next time

 

Desirae

School Is Over--- 12 Days Till Wedding

 

Dear Blog

Yesterday was my graduation. My thesis was approved. I didn’t get an excellence on it. (much like my other classmates.) But I did get a lot of approving nods from my teachers and colleagues. I passed. I am done with school. I am happy for that. I don’t think I could have asked for more.

It is late as I write this. I will update it soon. I promise.

For now, I’m going to enjoy the sweet air of freedom and no more worries about late night study-sessions or stressing over homework.

I’ll stress soon enough about getting a new job.

 

XOXO

Desirae

Is it worth it?—15 Days Till Wedding

 

I have slept very little hours these past two days

 

I'm going to bed now.

 

Alone...thinking and waiting for no one…

 

The wedding is days away, and maybe it’s the final pressure that is killing us.

We had a big fight and I’m starting to realize that maybe I will end up being the only one trying to hold the marriage together.

 

I’ll write more later.

XOXO

Desirae

 

ps. I know I owe you updates! They are coming soon! I’ve read your messages. My computer had to be reset, along with the old blog entries. I also had to re-edit some entries because I got flagged. lol

Please be patient! :)

“I’ll Always Love You” Take II—21 Days Till Wedding

 

Dear Blog,

So, as I mentioned in the last entry, Gerard and Bryce got me a new engagement ring. I still feel horrible for losing the first ring. I hear about brides losing their engagement rings and thinking they were just scatter-brains. But now, in their defense, it’s hard to always keep track that ring!!

I mean, I remember putting it on in the morning and I don’t remember ever taking it off! I didn’t notice it was gone until the evening.

:(   sad face.

 

The story about the new ring is pretty cute. I was walking in the mall with Bryce after school. We stopped by a wrist-watch store so he could get this watch fixed. Across the street from the Watch Store is a Jewelry store. Gerard and I already have our wedding rings (or wedding bands) picked out, but I figured it would be proper that Bryce get a matching ring as well. He, after all,  will be living with us on and off during the years. We decided to see what ring designs they had. While we were looking around, Bryce showed me a beautiful engagement ring. It had 2 little diamonds on the side and a “big” diamond in the middle. It was breath taking!!

“Do you like it?” Bryce asked.

“I think it’s beautiful. But I’m not looking for an engagement ring. I feel horrible for loosing the one Gerard gave me.” I answered.

“Well, that’s true. If we got you a new ring, you might lose it again.” Bryce said. I knew he was joking, but it still stung. I didn’t think about the ring again, but I didn’t see the last of it.

That night at Bryce and Gerard took me out to dinner. Nothing fancy, a regular burger/salad place. It was a very chilly night, Gerard was nice enough to lend me his coat so I could keep warm.

“Hey, Rae. Could you hand me my cigarettes? The box is in the pocket inside my coat.”

“Sure.”

I put my in the pocket of his coat, which I was wearing, but instead of putting out what I thought was his cigarettes, I ended up pulling out a little velvet black box. I stared at it for a couple seconds shocked and afraid to know what was inside it.

“What is this?” I asked.

“Open it Desirae” Bryce said encouraging me.

“No…”

“Just open it love. I promise it won’t bite” Gerard said guiding my hand to open the box.

I opened it very slowing…inside was the ring that Bryce and I had seen at the store earlier.

“Oh my gosh! You guys!” I said as  I tried handing them back the box. “I can’t accept this! It’s too much!”

“No, it’s not too much.” Bryce took the box and handed it to Gerard. “It’s not exactly what you think. It’s not a diamond. It’s a cubic zirconia. It’s something a bit more special. In the dark, the middle stone looks white, like a diamond. In the sunlight, the middle stones turns a purple color and on hazy days or inside places the stone turns a pink color. Three colors, representing a the future family of all three of us together.”

Gerard pulled the ring out of the box, held it up to me so I could see it and then placed it on my finger. I started crying. Once again, he had engraved on the inside of the ring “I will always love you.”  That had become our phrase. Our promise to one another… an honest love.

Flashback to engagement day:

He pulled it out of the box and handed it to me. As I looked at it, I saw something engraved around it. “I’ll always love you.”
“You had it engraved?” I exclaimed. He nodded, smiled as he put the ring on my finger and kissed me.

End of flashback.

 

Gerard held my hand and hugged me as  I thanked him and Bryce over and over for such  a beautiful detail.

I am taking such good care of this ring. I am enjoying seeing the color change, and with each change, I think of them. I don’t deserve this much love from two men. But for some reason they love me and I know I couldn’t love them anymore.

 

Till next time.

XOXO

Desirae

New ring--- 22 Days Till Wedding

Gerry and Bryce were sweet enough to give me a new ring. I still feel horrible for losing it.

 

more updates coming soon!

XOXO

Desirae

Our House--- 30 Days Till Wedding

Dear Blog

Great news!!!

Our home!

Our house!

The house Gerard and I have worked to buy and pay off is FINALLY ours!!!

The house is paid off!! We have a home! We are just one month away from getting married, but now we have a house to go home to!!

This great news! I can’t wait to share it will the family and friends!

CELEBRATING TONIGHT!!!

XOXO

Desirae

UPDATED:

Dear Blog

Today is a very happy day that Gerard and I. The final paperwork for our house has gone through.


(funny note: My computer has Speech Recognition, So I was dictating this entry, and I said “The final paperwork for our house has gone through.” and the computer wrote “The final paperwork for hell has gone through.”

I laughed my head off.. I hope it’s not a sign…)


We have officially finished paying off our new house. I’m so excited to get started on furnishing it. I soon as the bank and real estate guy called me. I called Gerard and he was very excited as well. I invited Bryce and him over to the house tonight so we can open a bottle of champagne to celebrate.

I think what we’re most proud about the fact that this house was bought by just Gerard and I. Our parents had offered to help with the payment, but we made it clear that we wanted this to be our house.

Most newlywed couples usually buy an apartment, than a house and then eventually move to live into a bigger house when children come around.

However, Gerard and I are not sure when “we’ll have children”, so we decided to go straight into buying a new house. As I mentioned before this house is in a secure location and has very few neighbors around. So we have the privacy we would need in case Bryce should ever decide to move in with us for more than just a couple days.

On a day when there isn’t much traffic, the house is just about 30 minutes away from my parents and about 40 minutes-to-an-hour away from Gerard’s mother’s house.

When my parents got married my grandparents on my father’s side, bought them their house. The house they bought them was right next door to their own house which meant the family was always close and always… In each other’s business.

My dad, tried to follow the family tradition, and offered to buy us our first house but I knew that he would get something that was too close to their own house. (and even if he did buy a house that was far way, I didn’t want the feeling that the house Gerard and I lived in was my father’s house).

I made it very clear my parents that I wanted this house to be just Gerard and my house. And I also told them this is it was the first time that I would live far away from home, I wanted my privacy. In twenty three years I’d never traveled anywhere beyond a couple of miles away from my own house. To actually have my own house with Gerard far away from family and most friends is something that I really want. Gerard had been traveling the world since he was 16 years old, he has gone to Europe, Spain, etc.

This time I was going to be in my own house, with Gerard, and even though I love my parents, I want the independents I know I should have tried to have gained while back.


So we have our house. We have a house to come back to after the honeymoon!!

This week we will probably move in all the boxes of things that we have. I have most of my items packed (some things will stay at my parents house until we have settled in better)

I am guessing that after the honeymoon we will really start unpacking boxes and setting up the house. (I’ll probably get stuck unpacking everything while Gerry is at work… my job starts later.)


Anyway, it’s later! I’ll update later!

XOXO

Desirae

Lost the Ring--- 34 Days Till Wedding

 

I lost my engagement ring!!

RE-EDITING!

UPDATES COMING SOON!!

Thinking of Husband #2--- 43 Days Till Wedding

Dear Blog

I sent Bryce a text message out of the blue today. I was feeling very lonely with Gerard busy at work and my parents are out for the afternoon with friends. I was not sure what made me want to text him, but I did.

“Hey. Just dropping by to say hi. That’s about it. Haha. Weird me. Take care.”

I got a message back a few minutes later that said “I love you being weird. Thanks a lot.”

I have to be the luckiest girl ever. I have two amazing friends. I have often joked with Gerard that if he dies or if we get a divorce that I would marry Bryce.

Bryce is my husband #2.

I wonder if this makes me a terrible person?

I have to go. I need to go interview some people for a term paper that is due in two days. Nothing like leaving everything to the last minute, right?

Love

Desirae

New Month.ahh!—44 Days Till Wedding

Dear Blog

44 days until the wedding.

I

am

          freaking

                        out

 

ahhhh!!!

 

Desirae

Hospital scare---50 Days Till Wedding

 

Hospital scare, my dad’s accident.

RE-EDITING!!

UPDATES COMING SOON!!!

Teaching Halloween---51 Days Till Wedding

Teaching my students the meaning of Halloween

Originally written by my mother, who teaches me everyday new things...

"Let no evil talk come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear....and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:29- 32) . Recently, I have heard a lot of "evil talk" concerning the customs of "Halloween". One Sunday, during a Christian church service, I was given written information detailing the evils of the "Halloween" celebration. The information distributed that Sunday contained graphic examples of satanic worship with information too evil to repeat. I decided right there and then that I would investigate the traditions of "Halloween" for myself. This is what I discovered:
The practice of "Holy eve" or "Hallowed eve" began during the Middle Ages (600 a.d.-1300 a.d.) in the Germanic Kingdoms of Westen Europe to replace or counteract the Celtic festival of Samhain. Medieval civilization represented an interrelation of Christianity, Roman tradition, and the beliefs of the Celtic-Germanic peoples. The Celtics were influenced by pagan practices such as magic and witchcraft. The Medieval church attempted to counteract these practices with special masses focused on "reverence" and "helping the poor". (keep in mind that the Latin {Roman Catholic} church was the only Christian religion in Western Europe during the Middle Ages - The theological works of Thomas Aquinas andFrancis of Assisi during the Middle Ages stressed the importance of Christ's desire for us to use our gifts and serve the poor). October 31st, ("Holy eve") became a time for the faithful to attend Mass, pray for the souls of the departed and then distribute baskets of food to those in need. The practice of dressing in costume on the eve of October 31st came from the Medieval - Celtic superstition that the spirits of the dead roamed the earth on that night and would steal the souls of the living. It was beleived that children disguised in costumes representing the dead, would be protected them from evil spirits. During the 11th century, The archbishop of Cluny decided that November 2nd would be the official celebration of "All Saints Day" and prayer would be offered for the souls of the baptized. The custom of "Holy eve" or "Hallowed "eve" came to the American colonies with the Irish and English immigrants during the 17th centery but was not openly accepted or celebrated in the United States until the late 19th century. Due to a misunderstanding of the correct pronunciation of "Hallowed- eve" the word was mis-pronounced "Halloween".
The tradition of holding a "Harvest party" or Halloween party" gained popularity during the Victorian era. The giving-out of "Halloween" candy was promoted by both European and American candy manufacturers throughout the 1900's. Over time, the celebration lost it's original meaning and was recognized as a children's celebration to mock the things that "scare us" or "go bump in the night". During the 1950's "Halloween" or "Trick or Treat" was celebrated as a "fun" holiday for children. The children dressed in costumes, usually homemade, and as soon as the sun began to set, the kiddies would circulate the neighborhood looking for neighbors who were giving out "candy" or "treats". No thought of satan worship came into their minds: it was all about the candy and having fun. Some kids played little tricks on the people who didn't give out candy. These tricks may have been considered as devilish. Dried corn or bits of toilet paper would be thrown on the sidewalk. White hand soap was drawn across windows to represent the passing of the "ghosts". Children were cautioned to only visit the neighbors that they knew. and never take any unwrapped candy. Farm communities often organized hay-rides and harvest parties and children "bobed" for apples, or carved pumpkins into jack-o'-lanterns. The typical food included: apple pie, pumpkin pie, spice cookies, red candied apples, cup cakes, caramel popcorn balls, apple cider and hot chocolate. Did I mention candy, there was always candy. Many people, then and now, were opposed to the celebration of "Halloween" because of it's association to "ghosts" "ghouls","witches" "spirits" and "death". I have been told that sugar is the devil, but the consumption of candy and worshiping Satan are two very different practices altogether. I'm sure there are Satan worshipers in the world today. We need only to watch the evening news to confirm their presence, but these persons celebrate "Samhain", not "Halloween". The two have nothing in common except the same date. If the argument against celebrating Halloween is based on the fact that it shares the same anniversary as a pagan Celtic observation, then we must also consider rejecting many other popular celebrations as well. In 274 a.d., the Roman emperor Aurelian proclaimed December 25th as Natalis Solis Invicti, or the festivil of the birth of the invincible sun. (Saturn) This act was more than most early Christian leaders could stomach, and they were horrified when Christians fell prey to old habits and customes. While not actually worshiping Saturn, a majority of early Christians decked their homes with Saturnalia holly, and celebrated the birth of Christ in the same fashion that the pagans honored Saturn: wild carousing and sinful behavior. The Bible alludes to the specific date of the birth of Christ. Some thought it was in the Spring, others thought it to be in September and others; the 6th of January. Early church leaders wanted a holy day that would counteract with the ancient festivals associated with Saturn. In 320 a.d., Pope Julius specified December 25th, as the official date to celebrate the birth of Christ. Many traditions and celebrations have been handed down to us from Pre-Christian times. Society is often torn between religious beliefs and moral correctness. Some people do not find anything wrong with the present day celebration of Halloween, while others feel uncomfortable. When we encounter acrimonious situations, we would do well to learn from history and practice respect and flexibility to those who hold different opinions from our own. In the words of Thomas Aquinas: "We must love them both, those whose opinions we share and those who opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search of truth, and both have helped us in finding it.
Information was obtained from: World Missionary Evangelism, Stories behind the Great Traditions" by Ace Collins, Day of the Dead by Kathryn Laskey and Story of the Church by Alfred McBride

This is what my family taught me. I passed it on to my students, I will teach it to my children and perhaps you could pass it on to...

XOXO
Desirae

Gerry’s Friend’s Wedding---52 Days Till Wedding

Gerry’s Friend’s Wedding. (remember the first time Gerard and I almost went to a wedding together.)

 

RE-EDITING

UPDATES COMING SOON!

Picking up Bryce from Airport---53 Days Till Wedding

 

Picking up Bryce from Airport

RE-EDITING

UPDATES COMING SOON!

Taking mom to see the dress---54 Days Till Wedding

 

Taking mom to see the wedding dress. Fitting.

RE-EDITING!

UPDATES COMING SOON!!

B-O-R-E-D---55 Days Till Wedding

 

B-O-R-E-D

 

RE-EDITING!

UPDATES COMING SOON!

Trouble in Paradise---56 Days Till Wedding

 

Trouble in Paradise. Fight between Gerard and Bryce

 

RE-EDITING!

UPDATES COMING SOON!

A Wedding Invitation--57 Days Till Wedding

 

Invitation to Gerry’s friend’s wedding

 

RE-EDITING!

UPDATES COMING SOON!

Goodnight Darling, Goodnight Dear---58 Days Till Wedding

Dear Blog

I got an hour and a half lunch hour today. Gerard called my office and asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch with him. I decided to take advantage of my hour break so we could go over some wedding details. We met at a local moll to have lunch. When I got there he told me he needed to go to the Phone Store because he needed to fix his cel-phone. I accompanied him to make sure he didn’t have any question about what they would do to his phone. He always gets the most expensive cel-phones on the market and never learned how to use it all the applications.

We got in line at the cel-phone area, and as we stood there, he seemed oblivious to the fact that the woman at the counter was flirting with him. I’ve gotten so used to it, that I just rolled my eyes. I don’t even try playing the jealous gal friend, it doesn’t work.

“Desiree, what is your cel-phone number?” he asked me.

“0448-122-048-888” I said. “How can you not know my number?”

He laughed and said; “Of course, I know your number. I was just making sure I had it right. I’m adding you to the list of frequent callers so I can call you and talk to you for 15 minutes free of charge.” He added a friendly smile.

“Oh, wow. Thanks.” I said.

“Now I can call my future wife whenever I want and it won’t cost me a thing.” He put his hand around my shoulder and walked out. The woman at the counter seemed embarrassed with the fact that she had been flirting with him. When we were a safe distance away, I allowed myself to laugh and ask him if he noticed that woman’s reaction.

“So you knew she was flirting with you?” I asked.

“No. I really hadn’t noticed. But I figured it out by your reaction. You seemed almost jealous. That was when I noticed how she was talking to me and flirting.”

“I was not jealous! I just didn’t think it was very professional on her behalf.”

“You used to make those same faces when we hung out at school and when we would go out on casual dates. I never knew what they meant until I saw Bryce make the same face once when we were out having dinner and the waiter was flirting with me.

“I do not make a face!” I protested.

Gerard smiled, hugged me and kissed my cheek. “You do make a face. I love seeing you jealous. You know you are the top woman in my life.”

“I better be your only woman.”

We decided to have lunch at a nice salad bar. As we sat there waiting for our slow waiter to remember to bring out order, I reminded Gerard that I needed his RSVP invitations. He told me his mother had them at the house and that she was putting them in order. I foolishly thought that he would be different from other guys and actually want to be involved with the planning of the wedding and organizing the invitations. But he could care less about who was coming and who wasn’t coming. I had to go and spend an afternoon with his mother in order to get his guest list. Whenever I would ask him who he wanted to invite he would just say “whoever.” Our guest list has around 250 people, but we are calculating about 300 incase people come with an extra date.

Blah, blah.. too many details to remember or care about.

I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, but my head kept analyzing all the things I had to do tomorrow. My cel-phone started vibrating: Gerard.

“Hey love.” He said when I answered.

“Hi darling.”

“I can’t sleep” he answered. “Talk to me.”

“What do you want me to talk about?”

“Anything… You’re voice will put me to sleep.”

“Are you saying my voice is boring?”

“Yes.”

“beep, beep, beep” I started imitating the sound as if I’d hung up. I could hear him laugh on the other end of the line.

“What can I tell you? I just saw you a couple hours ago. I’m just laying here in bed staring at the ceiling. I have about 4 different stuffed animal frogs sitting at the end of the bed staring at me.”

“Your only companions…”

“I know. I have to get used to it. Once we get married they will continue to sit by my bed and keep me company. You better get me a life-size stuffed animal frog as a wedding gift.”

I could hear him chuckle on the other end of the phone, he was thinking of something else.

“Desirae…”

“Yes love?”

“Does it bother you that we will never share a bed together?”

It did bother me a bit the thought that I would never have a roommate. Someone to hug at night when I felt lonely or someone to wake up next to every morning…

“You mean we won’t have sleepovers?” I asked playfully.

“I am serious Rae…”

“It has never been something that crossed my mind. I know we will share the same room when we have visitors, but on a daily base we will won’t. It is something I will be used to.”

“I definitely need to get you that stuffed animal frog.”

“I’ll be expecting it.” I said and yawed “I am falling asleep Gerry. My eyes are closing against my will.”

“Ok. I’ll let you go. Just one quick question…”

“Yes?”

“What are you wearing?” he asked jokily.

“GOODNIGHT Darling”

“Goodnight Dear”

I love talking to Gerry. I love the fact that his cel phone service now allows us to have 15 minute calls without charging. It’s nice hearing his voice before going to sleep…

Love

Desirae

Book Fair Day #2--- 59 Days Till Wedding

 

Book Fair Day #2

RE-EDITING!

UPDATES COMING SOON!

Book Fair Day #1---60 Days Till Wedding

 

Book Fair Day #1

RE-EDITING!

UPDATES COMING SOON!

Girls Night Out--- 61 Days Till Wedding

Girl’s Night Out with all my gal friends!!

RE-EDITING!

UPDATES COMING SOON!

Airports---62 Days Till Wedding

Airports. (taking Bryce after school to airport)

RE-EDITING!

UPDATES COMING SOON!!

So Proud of Bryce---63 Days Till Wedding

 

So Proud of Bryce (film to be shown in a festival)

RE-Editing!!

Updates coming soon!

Running into Daniel---64 Days Till Wedding

Dear Blog

The oddest thing happened today. I ran into Daniel Gregory.

My ex-boyfriend.

Here is a small secret: Daniel and I were dating for a month then Gerard proposed. No one knew we were dating; I had planned on telling Gerard when I saw him at Christmas. But then he asked me to help him secure his job by getting engaged.

Daniel and I got along very well, he was like a knight in shinny armor, but my heart was Gerard’s above anyone else’s. I met with Daniel after New Years and we had coffee. I didn’t give him the exact reason why I wanted to end it, I just told him I felt like I wasn’t into the relationship as serious as he was. I played the villain. He didn’t buy it. He tried fighting back, tried getting me to reconsider, but I couldn’t. I love Gerard and I’ve known him longer. I owe my friendship more to Gerard than to Daniel.

I remember the moment that I was breaking up with Daniel, Gerard called me on my cel-phone to tell me that his boss told him he was getting the job. I was happy for him; things were working out for him perfectly. I took it as a sign that I had to take the “fiancée” thing with Gerard seriously.

It broke my heart to see Daniel blame himself for having the relationship go astray so soon as so fast. I tried telling him that I was to blame, but he didn’t believe me. I knew I couldn’t tell him the real reason for the breakup. If I told him, he might go off and tell someone else. My engagement with Gerard had to be a secret.

After the coffee shop I hadn’t seen Daniel until now… We ran into each other at the mall. I was getting some new black high heels when I saw him standing across the store looking at a shirt. We stared at each other for a few seconds before embracing.

We talked for a few minutes before realizing that we had too much to catch up on. We went to the food court and had lunch.

“I can’t believe I’m running into you like this.” He said.

“Neither can I. How have you been? What have you been up to?”

“I am great. I’m going on an exchange program in January to Paris. So I’m just dealing with the final official documents.”

“Wow, Paris? Why Paris?”

“Last semester I met a girl from Paris. We’ve been dating for about six months now, but she goes back home in December. I am going with her. I’ll do a semester over there and then we’ll see what happens.”

“That is romantic! Oh, I wish you the best.”

“What is new with you? I heard about your last novel. Are you writing again?”

“I am still writing, but not as much as I’d like to. I am actually getting married in December.”

“You are getting married? Well congratulations! Who’s the lucky fellow?”

“Gerard Valdespino.”

“Gerry? Are you serious?” he laughed, but stopped when he realized I was serious. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. I just… I always assumed Gerry was gay.”

I smiled and shook my head. “You know me. I can turn any guy straight.”

He laughed and congratulated me again. “So when is the wedding?”

“December 15^th at our Lady of Guadalupe church. You are invited to come of course.”

“I would love to come, Dessy, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to. I’ll be out of town from the 13^th of December until the 18^th.

We talked for a long time and caught up on lost time. I remember the feeling of being with him. I remembered what it was like the short time we were together. I wonder if I didn’t make a mistake by not telling Gerard that I was dating someone when he asked me. I know deep down that Daniel and I would have fallen apart sooner or later. I don’t regret the decision I took. I regret falling out of touch with Daniel…

As awkward as the meeting could have been, he made it fun. I am glad we had a chance to talk today.

Till next time.

Desirae

Some diary entry parts have been edited, removed or slightly changed so that I may keep some privacy. Nevertheless don’t doubt that much of what is written here is 95% in it’s original form.

Second meeting about Novel---65 Days Till Wedding

Dear Blog

I had a second meeting with my agent today. It wasn’t as eventful as I would have liked. There is still a lot of paperwork to be done. I need to go over some work with my editor to hand in a revised draft of my novel. This is going to take awhile… grrr…

I took me longer to get dressed in the morning than it took to have the meeting with my possible new agent and publishing house. I think my current agent/editor Graciela Ferriz, noticed my disappointment.

“You know how slow these things are De.” She said as I walked her to her car.

“I know. I think I just hope things would move faster this time. I hope things would have been for sure, and not still “maybe”. I want to make my novel work, but I’ll been very disappointed if I work hard on rewriting my novel only to have the publishing house say “no”.” I said.

“You have to take a risk if you expect to gain anything. Nothing is for sure.”

“I know. I am just swamped right now between work, school and planning the final details of the wedding.”

Graciela turned towards me and hugged me. “Everything will work out, don’t worry.”

“I know…or at least, I hope.”

“You’ll see… so, have you told Gerard about this possible new breakthrough?”

“No.”

“Afraid you’ll jinx it or that he’ll disappoint you?”

“I think it’s a little of both.”

She got in her car and started the engine. “You need to tell him. A marriage is based on trust and taking risks. There will be moments where he will disappoint you, just like there will be moments were most likely you’ll disappoint him.” Before I could reply she drove off. I didn’t need to reply…

I know he regrets what happened a month ago and I know that this won’t be the first time we have a quarrel.

My thoughts take me back to the day after he got back from his trip.

It was late at night when he stopped by the house. My parents were in the kitchen watching T.V. I didn’t want to make a show, or tell them we were still quarreling, so we went to a small park that was just a few blocks from my house.

Gerard: I´m sorry about what happened before I left.

ME: Don´t mention it. I don't want to talk about it. Why did you come? It’s late...

Gerard: Bryce and I thought that in order to try and make up for forgetting your big event that it would be best I come by and woo you to have dinner at any place of your choice this week.

ME: Do you honestly think that you can make up your mistake with a dinner? I don´t think so, especially when it’s clear that Bryce came up with that idea. I want you to leave now. You made it clear that this is an arraignment and nothing more. I am to be your show-case wife. You get to have the amazing job and lover. I will be here for appearances only. What you said before cut me deep inside and it showed me how much of a fool I've been. You made it clear that this is nothing for you...

Suddenly Andrew pulled me into an embrace, a strong hug that crushed my bones and burned my heart. It hurt me to push away, but I had to. I pushed and slapped him across the face as hard as I could. I had tears in my eyes.

ME: Don't ever do that. Don’t try and give me pity hugs, I won´t want to be your female version of Bryce. I will not be used, much less by you.

Gerard tried reaching out to touch my hand.

ME: Don't touch me! You have no idea how much you hurt me. Not because you forgot my event, but with the words you yelled at me afterwards. It hurt me Gerard, because I thought I was helping you and that you appreciated it. But it seems like you don't...

Gerard rubbed his head and sat on a bench that was nearby.

Gerard: I forget sometimes how hard this is for you. I forget that you're too good... too honest of a "wife" to look for happiness elsewhere, because you are very happy here with us... Because you take this seriously, you are an honest friend...

ME: I love you Gerard, as much as any friend could love another. I don't ask for much, except for you just take the time once in awhile to care for me. I'm willing to play the "wife" role and attend your conferences, meetings, promotions and more. All I want is for you to do the same. Be my "husband" even if it´s just for a little while. I mean... Bryce has been to more events of mine than you have. He has been more supportive than you have... I understand that this is just a facade. I understand that you will never love me, just don't use me. Don´t give me hopes of you ever becoming straight, because that is unfair. I´ve decided to spend the rest my life with you. So please tell me now if you are going to ignore me. Please tell me right now, if I'm just going to be another decoration in your home. Because if that is the case, then I am walking away from this right now. A marriage is based on trust and the couple being best friends. I believed with all my heart that we were best friends. I thought we could make "this" work. But I'll walk out the door right now, if you tell me that you don't care for me in the slightest... I need you to be honest with me. You owe me that much…

Gerard motioned for me to sit down next to him on the bench. I walked over and sat down. He took my hand in his.

Gerard: I'm sorry for all this. I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess.

ME: It's not a mess Gerry. I'm glad to help you...

Gerard: Hush love, let me finish... I am grateful for your help these past months. I am grateful for your friendship. Please don't think that I don't appreciate everything you do for me... for us. Bryce loves you, you have to know that. He really loves that you were willing to marry "us". Because the truth is, you married both of us. Your presence with us keeps us "straight" and allows us to have secure jobs. You have been a good friend, and you´ve made me happy. But I don't want my happiness to be at your cost. I apologize for what happened before I left. I truly apologize for forgetting your event and for the things I said. I also apologize for all the past times when you needed your "husband" and he was "off with a friend" or "busy at work". You have been an excellent fiancée. I will try and be a better future husband, but there has to be a limit. I can’t have you believing that I'll fall in love with you. You will only end up heartbroken. I really wish that after we were married that you would date, but I really doubt you’ll do that. Will you?

ME: No. I don't think so. I don't plan on it. I'm marrying you.

Gerard: You are committed to this and perhaps I should be a little more committed. I don't want you to leave. Not because I could lose my job, but because I'm afraid of losing my best friend. So please stay. Please don't leave this.

He held my hand in his and kissed it. It was sweet, it was sincere. I could hear the honesty in his voice. We walked back to my house.

ANDREW: Tomorrow, if it’s ok with you, I’d like to hear about your event and your day. I want to hear everything. I promise to pay attention. I promise I’ll listen…

Listen… that was all I wanted from him. He has been making an effort to listen and be more attentive with what happens in my life.

It doesn’t change the fact that I am terrified of telling him about my new possible novel. I wonder what he’ll think or say…

Desirae

Some diary entry parts have been edited, removed or slightly changed so that I may keep some privacy. Nevertheless don’t doubt that much of what is written here is 95% in it’s original form.

Family cookout---66 Days Till Wedding

Dear Blog

Today we had the family cookout at my grandparent’s house. We haven’t had a cookout like this in a while. My cousin is studying to be a chef, so he often comes up with creative dishes for the family. We are his experiment “guinea pigs”.

I have always considered myself a very picky eater and I rarely try new things. Whenever my cousin makes his dishes I am always hesitant to try them. (and I feel horrible about being like that. Sometimes I think he thinks I’m not supportive of his career.) He does make very, very delicious desserts and pasta. I have set myself a goal to try every dish that his makes.

This weekend he made Lemon Meringa Pie. It was fluffy, creamy and it just made your mouth water. I’ll probably dream about this pie for a long time.

Gerard showed up half an hour late to cookout because his brother borrowed the car the day before and slept over at a friend’s house. Gerard was pretty upset about his brother taking the car and it took me a few minutes to call him down once he arrived.

My grandfather has always been fond of Gerard, he loves talking about winery with him. I never used to drink Wine, until I met Gerard, who knows every kind of wine in the world. We must have drank 2 bottles of wine between the whole family (23 total today).

I was happy to see my cousins who live out of state and their children. My niece is seven years old and my nephew is four years old. My niece, Lily, looks like goldilocks, she has curly dirty blonde hair and is very hyperactive. My nephew, Warren, is just as hyperactive, but he has the attractive combo of dark hair and grey-blue eyes. I keep telling my cousin that when he is older he will be a handful.

“Aunt Desirae!” They yelled as they ran up to me.

“Hello Lillian and Warren!” I said as I scooped them up in a hug.

“Look! Look” Warren said showing me a snail cupped in his hands.

“Wow, look at that!” I replied.

“Where is Uncle Gerard?” Lily asked.

“He is over with your great-grandfather” I answered pointing in their direction. I watched them run into Gerard’s arms and laugh as he swung them around in the air. He watched in awe as Warren showed him the snail in his hand and took off with him to look for more.

“He’ll make a wonderful father someday” My aunt said as she walked up to me and watched him play with her grandchildren.

“Someday perhaps but not anytime soon.” I joked with her.

I know the wedding is still 66 days away and we won’t even think about talking about “having children” for at least a year. But I often wonder if he thinks about children… Before we got engaged we use to talk about children. He used to tell me he wanted to adopt two children and I would tell him I wanted to have six kids, a pair of twin girls and boys and fraternal twins. He used to laugh at my ideas and tell me I’d have to marry a millionaire to have so many kids. It’s funny how it seemed that we had a better communication before we got engaged. We haven’t spoken about the possibility of a family. His job has kept him busy and school has kept me busy as well. I shouldn’t let comments like that bother me. Even if it was a conventional marriage, we wouldn’t be talking about children so soon…

We spent the afternoon hanging out with my family and catching up with everyone.

Nothing very exciting to report from the afternoon; my family is just as insane and odd as ever. Gerard and I made our “couple” appearance and went through the whole details of the wedding (again!). Next weekend is my turn to have lunch with Gerard’s family. I enjoy spending time with his parents and family. They have been very accepting of me, so I have always felt comfortable with them. An interesting fact is that my family loves Gerard and he fits in with them very well.

In an odd way we fit together. We click and our families are very loving towards each other. I am very grateful that that small detail in our fate.

One thing that I noticed today was how cuddly he seemed to be. He hung over me all afternoon and randomly hugged me. I love the days he is like that. He is always telling me how much he cares for me, but then there are days where he really seems to mean it. Those days, like today, mean the most. He hugs me and looks me straight in the eyes and will say “I love you.”

That’s the guy I love. The guy who I adore like a brother.

Till next time.

Desirae

Some diary entry parts have been edited, removed or slightly changed so that I may keep some privacy. Nevertheless don’t doubt that much of what is written here is 95% in it’s original form.

Possible 2nd Novel Published---67 Days Till Wedding

I got a call yesterday from my editor/agent. A publishing house is interested in a novel I wrote a few years ago. I am excited. The first novel did very well; it sold out during the first two months. Now it is in the process of being translated into two languages. I am proud.

This second novel is very different from anything else I’ve written. It is memories of my high school years; my years of torment and bullying. The title and much of the “raw” topics have to be modified, but if all goes well, it looks like I may have a second novel on bookshelves by January.

Fingers crossed!! I have a second meeting with my editor the day after tomorrow.

Speaking novels and publishing’s… I haven’t told Gerard yet. I want to tell him. It has been a month since our big fight, but it is still a sore subject to talk about with him. We just got back on speaking terms. I am still mad at him, but we are working through it.

He knows how much he hurt me…and I guess every “couple” goes through rough patches…

[Diary Entry # 282

September 24^th,

10:00am

My grandfather has a small apartment that he rents. Right now it is vacant, so he was nice enough to let me stay at it while they fumigated our house. I am very allergic to the spray they use to fumigate. Mom and Dad stayed at home to take care of the dogs and overlook the workers. I will only be staying here for a week. I am enjoying the certain freedom of being on my own. Mom came over yesterday to drop of food, cleaning supplies and some cloths. I am excited this afternoon I have my First Translated book release party! The event is being held at a local bookstore and my family, colleagues and friends are attending. This is the first big event where I think Gerard can be proud of me. He will stand next to me and show everyone “This is my girl. This is the amazing woman I am marrying.”

To top off the celebration, I invited the guys over to my “new place” for dinner.

9:40pm

I am sitting at a coffee shop as I write this. I needed to get out of the house. I needed to clear my head. Gerry and I had a big fight. He didn’t show up. Bryce didn’t show up. I had to make up a lame excuse for my fiancée not being at my big event. I feel sick at my stomach. I feel heartbroken…

After the event I drove home. My parents wanted to come with me, but I told them I wanted to be alone. I lied and said I still have homework to do and I needed to concentrate. They congratulated me and then drove away. I walked into the apartment and started making dinner. Bryce showed up soon afterwards and helped me. I was drinking a wine and making spaghettis when he struck up a conversation with me.

“How was your day at work?” he asked.

I smiled and said “It was very fruitful. My fourth grade students are working on their short stories and my sixth graders learned the vocabulary for the novel they are reading this month. The remodeling they were doing in the library is done and now I have a little reading corner set up for the little kids. I’ll be teaching kindergarten again next year since I need to have more time off to be a housewife.”

“Has Andrew been getting on your case about being a housewife?”

“No. Not at all, on the contrary he rarely talks about it. I just want to have time to be more time at home, with you guys.”

“But we both work late.” He said as he munched on a piece of garlic bread.

“You could come home for lunch.” I said trying to sound encouraging.

“That is not a bad idea. I would love to have lunch at “home”.

“ Great, so starting next term, beginning of February you can have lunch at home. “

Bryce smiled and picks up a cold glass of water. “Aww. My tooth is so sensitive. I really need to get to the dentist.”

“Have you called to set up an appointment?” I asked, but I already knew the answer.

“No. I always want to call during my lunch break but then I get busy doing other things and I forget.”

I rolled my eyes. “I thought you might forget. So I called and made you an appointment for this Friday at 6:30pm. You need to get permission to leave work 15 minutes early so you can find a parking spot.”

Bryce caught me in an embrace “You are a saint. Thank you so much. Let me write it down in my agenda… (he starts jotting it down)…Rae.. is today the 24^th?

“Yes it is.”

“I have written in my agenda that today was your book release and signing at 4pm. Please tell me that I wrote it in the wrong day. “

“I am amazed that you did have it in your agenda after all… “ I grabbed my glass of wine and held back my tears as I took a drink.

“No! No! Desiree, please forgive me! I don’t know how I could have forgotten! I´m so sorry! How did it go? “

“I don’t mean to be rude, but Bryce, I really don´t want to talk about it today…”

“Oh Desiree, please, forgive me. I forgot, I had a lot of meetings to discuss my new movie. And I was having trouble with the editor who was helping me with the script. I’ll make it up to you…”

“Make it up for me? How in the world are you going to make up for the fact that you forgot my book release? What could you possibly do or give me? It was time and a moment in my life that you missed out on. You can’t take back lost time and try and fix it. You forgot, I get that, I understand that. Just don’t promise to make it up, because you can’t.”

I don’t know why I’m so angry at Bryce… I know my true anger is towards Gerard. I threw my glass of wine in the kitchen sink, shattering it. I put the sauce on the spaghettis and put it on the table.

“Dinner is served; Gerard should be here in about 10 minutes. I put the rest of the garlic bread in the oven. Leave the dishes when you’re done and I’ll wash them.”

“Desiree, we can wash the dishes, you don’t have to do that for us or him.” He grabbed my arm. “This is your celebration. You don’t have to do anything.”

“Don’t I? I mean, isn’t that what the future-wife is suppose to do? Isn´t that what I’m here for? To be his wife and your helper?”

The front door opened, followed by a “I´m home” and then a “wow, what’s this big meal for? What are we celebrating?” I didn’t answer; I simply walked away and slammed the door to my room shut. I could hear whispering on the other side of the door, then a lot of curse words followed with the phrase “that was today???” there was a knock at my bedroom door.

Andrew peeked his head in through the door “Can I come in?”

“No.”

He walked in anyway and sat down next to me on the edge of the bed.

“I’m sorry I forgot your event. I know that at least one of us should have been there. But Andrew was at a meeting and I was preparing the final photographs that will be displayed in the magazine next month.”

“Don´t lie to me please… it´s unfair. I called Andrew’s office at 4:30 and he was out to lunch with a friend and when I called your office you were also out with a friend. You both went to lunch together.” I answered as tears streamed down my face.

“You tried calling us?”

“ You cel-phones were off. You only turn them off when you are together at lunch. So, darling, I have a right to feel hurt. My family, friends and colleagues were there but my future husband and friend were not.

“I will apologize as a friend for not being there, but as a husband, I will not. You take this too serious. I am your friend, not your lover or husband. We are in this together as an agreement. Stop thinking it is real.” He answered getting up from the bed and staring down at me. It stung in my heart what he had just said. My sadness was replaced with a deep anger and pain.

“This really means nothing to you, does it? This is only business for you. I’m such a fool. You get the amazing job, the amazing lover and a stepford wife to keep appearances. I thought that perhaps you loved me a little. A little more than a friend but less than a wife… What about the kiss you gave me at our engagement party last month? You never kissed me like that, what was all that about? Was that an act to play with my feelings?”

“That kiss was nothing Desiree! Stop imagining more! I only kissed you like that because I was imagining that I was kissing Bryce! I was kissing him not you! So stop this one and for all.” He screamed at me, stopped, and then put his hand through his hair…

I felt sick at that moment. I felt the walls come in on me and the world fall apart around me. “You were thinking of Bryce? You sick bastard...This… this is it. I can’t take this … not from you.”

I grabbed my coat and ran out the house. Bumping into Bryce, who clearly heard the whole fight, and I got in the car and drove. I didn’t have any place in particular that I was driving to; I just got in the car and drove.

That is now I ended up here at an old coffee parlor. I walked in and sat a booth. I took long deep breaths to keep from crying in public. How humiliating that would be…

I’ve been sitting here for about an hour now. I have lost count of how many cups of coffee I had drank. All I know is that if those cups of coffee had alcohol in them, I would be laying on the floor passed out.

I better get back home now…

1:00am

I got home about an hour ago. I was surprised to see Gerard’s car still in the driveway. Bryce must have left. The kitchen was picked up and the food was away in the refrigerator. Gerard was sleeping on the sofa. I walked by him and into my room. The door accidently slammed when I closed it, waking up Gerard. I locked the door and sat on the bed. I could hear him on the other side of the door.

“Rae… it’s late. Are you ok?”

I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to talk to him.

“Please open the door. We need to talk… I’m sorry for what happened. I’m sorry for what I said…Listen. My job is sending me on a trip the day after tomorrow. Call me. I really want to talk with you before I leave…”

I could hear him leaning against the door, and then the creaking of the floor as he walked out the door.

You broke my heart Gerard. I don’t know if you understand how bruised I feel…]

END OF DIARY ENTRY # 282

I didn’t call him the day after that and we didn’t talk much during his two week business trip. Bryce took him to the airport and his father picked him up. I am grateful that he had that trip. It allowed me to have some space and deal with my feelings.

After his trip we got together for dinner at his place and discussed what happened… Perhaps I will go into that conversation later.

For now, I am happy. I am excited at the idea of having another book published… I will not tell anyone until it is a for sure thing.

XOXO

Desiree

Some diary entry parts have been edited, removed or slightly changed so that I may keep some privacy. Nevertheless don’t doubt that much of what is written here is 95% in its original form.

Missing Updates_ 68 Days Till Wedding

Dear Blog

I didn’t write an entry yesterday. I apologize for that, but I do have some exciting news.

I got a call yesterday from a publishing house that I sent my manuscript to. They told me that they are very interested in picking up my novel.

I've been busy these two days working on that.

I will update about this tomorrow!!! ;)

Fingers crossed! I might just be on the way to selling my novel internationally!

XOXO

Desirae

My Head Is Killing Me_ 70 Days Till Wedding

My

Head

Is

Killing

Me.

I'm so worked up between my part time job and trying to finish my thesis...

Good news today is that the tickets for the honeymoon came in the mail this afternoon. I came home and found the envelope on the kitchen table. Our honeymoon will be two weeks visiting Europe. Gerard has been to various places in Europe since he was in High School. I have never been to Europe. I used to joke with him that for my honeymoon (or when I was a Best Seller author) I would travel to Europe. My novels are selling well, but I still have awhile to go. :)

He loves traveling, but more than traveling he enjoys being able to come back to a “home”. I enjoy hearing his adventures while traveling and I look forward to having him take me on a tour throught Europe.

Speaking of traveling... his flight came in this morning. His father picked him up from the airport. The business sent him two weeks to New York to work on a project. I couldn’t go pick him up, I had an early class in the morning. Besides, I’m not sure I want to see him yet. Before he left we had a huge fight. I will most likely write about it later. My headache is too bad to have to add on the memories of that fight.

Sometimes we are both so stubborn…

Along with the wonderful envelope with our honeymoon tickets, I found a notice from the Real Estate reminding us to put down another payment for the house.

Our little love nest.

LOL.

We’d be living in a house that we both have been working to pay off. The house is two stories high with three bedrooms (On a regular base: one for guests, one for me and one for the couple. On a fake bases: One guest room, one craft room, our room), 3 and a half bathrooms, kitchen, living room, garage, etc.

The house is on a friendly little neighborhood, but luckily all the houses are spread out. No one will really notices that we might pull off a “Me, You and Dupree”. (reference to the movie.)

One of the agreement is, that a third of his salary is to help around the house, (he pays for a few of my “wife”-privileges, such as taking me out the movies, or paying the water, gas and light bill, etc. the other part of his salary is for him and his lover (or boyfriend, I’m not sure which is the better term. to enjoy.) I also take one third of my pay check and put it into the house. The other part is for me to enjoy and put away for any “future” family members.

Future family members…we never spoke of that really…I wonder if he’ll want kids with me…I wonder how we’ll have children…

I think it’s still too early to think of such things.

I can’t stand my brain anymore. I’m going to bed.

XOXO

Desirae

A Day with Bryce_ 71 Days Till Wedding

Dear Blog

I love Mondays. I don’t have any classes on Mondays this semester! Since I´m due to graduate December 3^rd, I have fewer classes. (but that doesn’t mean they aren’t as difficult). Yesterday was a very eventful day with Bryce.

I love going shopping with him because he seems to know where the best shops are. He also understands my style better than Gerard. We weren’t able to find a dress, but we did find a beautiful wedding shop that designs dresses. I had not really considered designing my own dress. I guess I’m lazy that way. I wanted to find my perfect wedding dress hanging in some shop just waiting for me. But Husband #2 (our pen name for Bryce), proved me wrong.

After looking in about 4 different shops, Bryce told me he was going to take me to the best shop he knew.

“I can guarantee that you will find your wedding dress there.” He said as he dragged me downtown. “It is the best spot to shop. My co-worker said she got her dress there. I saw pictures of the dress and it was stunning.”

“What about the prices?” I asked.

“They are reasonable.”

I didn’t believe him, but he had been such a trooper by going all over town with me and watching me try on endless amounts of dresses. I knew he wouldn’t lead me to a shop that wasn’t up to the standards.

As soon as we pulled into the parking lot I saw about 4 dresses hanging in the window that I loved. They were original, unique and different from what I’d seen before. I was out of the car and pressing myself against the window in no time.

“Oh! Bryce! Look at the dress! Isn’t it beautiful?” I pointed at a dress that had embroidered white roses long the edge. The top part of the dress was striking, but was a halter top. (Goner…) “Oh! Look at that dress! I love the veil!” I pointed a plain white dress that gathered in the back and had a lacy veil with swirls of pearls. I continued to walk along the window staring in at the different dresses and pulling Bryce along.

“Desiree, you know that you can actually go inside, right?” he said jokingly with me.

“What is this place?” I asked as I walked in. We were greeted by a woman in a beige suit. She was holding a small tray with a little white notebook that had a wedding dress design on it. The notebook came with a black pen that was decorated in a little black suit.

“Hello! Welcome to “Brides and Dresses”. All the dresses you see are one of a kind.” She handed Bryce and I a notebook with a pen. “These are dresses designed by designer students that want to specialize in wedding dresses. Please feel free to look around the store and try on any dress you like. If you see a design that calls your attention then write down the number of the dress to that we may help you design your perfect dress.”

I looked over at Bryce who seemed to be glowing with pride. He had found my perfect wedding shop. We walked around the shop and I tried on a couple dresses, but none of them looked as nice on me as I wanted. I kept writing down in the notebook ideas that I had for my dress. Soon, I had a small sketch of how I wanted my dress. We walked up to the young woman to ask if we could get a quote on how much it could cost to design my dress.

“When is your wedding?” the young woman asked.

“In two months.” I answered. “In 71 days to be exact.”

“Wow, congratulations!”

“Is it possible to create a dress from an original design in that short of time?” Bryce asked.

“It is cutting it close, but it isn’t impossible. Creating the dress and having it ready on time really depends on the design. It depends on all the details. Do you have an idea of how you would like your dress to be?”

I showed her my sketch and told her what pieces I liked from the other designs. She excused herself for a second to call the designer department. I was nervous that perhaps they would say it wasn’t possible to accomplish in such a short time.

“My supervisor says we can have the dress done in two weeks. Most of the extra design, such as the embroidery can be done within a month. But before we go into such details, we need to make sure the dress fits.”

“Are you saying that if all goes well the whole dress could be done within a month?” I asked in shock.

“Yes, ma’m.”

“Wow, I’ll definitely take it. However I do have one more question. How much will it cost?”

I’m not going to tell you the price she said, because you would not believe me. It was, as Bryce said, a very, very reasonable price. I would have paid at least a couple of hundred bucks more than what they were asking.

So I got the dress. They took my measurements there, so that in two weeks (October 22^nd.) I can go back for a fitting. I’m excited to see how it will look. I can’t wait to bring my mom with me next time so she can see the dress.

I know she was a bit disappointed that she wasn’t able to come with me today. She went to Laredo, Texas to pick up the mail. Our mail box has been getting filled since I am still getting RSVP’s to the wedding.

Bryce drove me to my house and I invited him in to hang out some more. I heated up some cups of hot water to make instant coco. Autumn weather has started, every night is cold. I figured something warm would keep our spirits up. He sat at the kitchen table watching me jump up and down from excitement.”I got a dress! I got a dress!” I kept singing. He laughed and turned on the TV. An elaborate commercial about Halloween Sales was playing.

“Do you remember the first time I came to your house?” he asked.

“Yes, of course. It was at New Year’s Eve last year. I had a wonderful time. Normally I hate the celebration of New Year’s, but that time I loved it. Plus, you taught me to dance.” I said, handing him his hot drink.

“I had a great time too. I was thinking that maybe we should take a dance class together…”

“That would be lovely…”

I had always been a terrible dancer…and I used to think it was due to my weight. But last year, Bryce taught me that it wasn´t my weight that kept me from dancing, it was my fear of making a fool out of myself…

DIARY ENTRY #14

January 1^st,

11:00am

Dear Diary

LAST NIGHT WAS A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!! Everyone came over to the house. Gerard and Bryce showed up early to help me decorate. They even brought music to brighten up my day. I have always been a bum when it comes to celebrating New Years eve. I don’t like celebrating the start of a new year, I have never seen any sense it in. Each year always seems to be uneventful. Last year however ended amazingly and this year started even more amazingly!!

My classmates showed up around ten o’clock and hung out at the house until about one in the morning. Gerard drank himself into a very happy and friendly stage, while Bryce remained the sober designated driver. I was busy playing hostess and staying away from the “dance floor”, when Bryce came to find me. He told me to relax and enjoy the party.

“I’m only seeing you run around everywhere trying to please everyone. Relax and enjoy your party. Come out and dance a bit.”

I shook my head and told him I preferred to watch the dancing. “I can’t dance.”

“That’s nonsense. I am sure you are a very good dancer. Weren’t you in dance classes when you were younger?” he asked.

“I was in folkloric dancing and hip hop years ago. But I got kicked out of the schools.” I said. “I couldn’t keep up.”

“Well, today is your lucky night. I feel like dancing and you are going to be my partner. My boyfriend, your fiancée, is too drunk to dance, and I’m not going to start the new year without having one last dance.”

He dragged me out of the kitchen and into the living room where everyone was dancing. He told me to ‘feel’ the music and sway with it. I tried it and I felt like a stiff robot. I could tell by his face that I was doing something wrong. “Wait.” he said. He held his hands out for me and started spinning me around, pulling and pushing me towards him. It was a very dizzy kind of fun dance. My feet started moving at their own rhythm. (and I only stepped on his feet a couple of times.) My friends started clapping as we danced together and I felt like free. The radio in the other room caught our attention. The countdown for the New Year was about to begin. We grabbed our little cup with twelve grapes and started the countdown.

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Bryce and Gerard both caught me in a big huge. “Happy New Year Desiree”.

I don’t think the New Year could have started any better. I felt loved and being embraced by my two best friends was the greatest way to start the year… I may not have the perfect weight, but I have two amazing friends that keep trying to make me fearless to the smallest things in life… ] END OF DIARY ENTRY #14

I have lost a lot of weight since then. I obviously had to for the wedding. I’m healthier, and in a way, I always hoped that by losing the extra weight Gerard would find me more attractive. But to my disappointment, he still looks at me the same way. I shouldn’t complain, I would probably still love him and look at him the same way if he gained weight…

My dancing hasn’t improved, but I feel lucky knowing that there is someone out there willing to dance with me, even when I make a complete fool of myself.

I think I might take up Bryce’s offer about signing up for dance classes. Gerard is an excellent dancer, but he doesn’t ever have the time to teach me. We get desperate with each other when it comes to dancing. I’m not sure we are going to dance at our wedding reception… I wonder if it would look bad to dance with the Best-Man? Lol.

XOXO

Desiree

Some diary entry parts have been edited, removed or slightly changed so that I may keep some privacy.

Nevertheless don’t doubt that much of what is written here is 95% in it’s original form.